Breaking Through
by Kezzaz83
Summary: How hard could it possibly be to 'try being normal...?
1. Prologue

Breaking through…..

It hadn't taken long to reach the front door...20 minutes at most, but when those twenty minutes had been travelled mostly in silence, with 500 possible things to say...probably a thousand things she wanted to say, Andy felt those 20 minutes could've been 20 hours and she still wouldn't have been able to form a coherent sentence in her head. She heard him switch off the engine, sensed him shift around in his seat to look at her - but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. She knew if she did then she would only see his injuries, how hurt he was, how close she had come to loosing him...how much damage losing hum could have inflicted on her...and terrifyingly...how much her happiness, mental and emotional wellbeing now appeared to be inextricably linked in with another's...in with his...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter One

"Andy...Andy, Look at me..." Sam tried to gain some kind of response, any form of acknowledgement from the woman sitting next to him. He knew her silence was not the best of signs, she was not a naturally quiet person and he could practically feel the anxiousness bounding off her in waves. Sam let out an exasperated sigh, not intentional, but exasperated none the less. When he had found her walking home in the snow, and she had smiled at him...really smiled, and climbed into the passenger side of his truck. He had allowed himself to think that all was right with the world once more. He was alive, which he was extremely grateful for and something which he wouldn't have thought to be possible 6 hours earlier. Andy had smiled at him, a true Andy smile, when he had asked her if she wanted to try and be normal with him, and there is nothing more in the world that he wanted in that moment than to go back to his life, and take Andy back there with him. Admittedly, there were parts of the evening he could've done without...facing down Boyd, one thing he definitely could've done without, and he hoped he would never have to look at his face again for a very long time. Frank's disappointment in him had not been easy to listen to, but deserved, so that he could deal with...same going for the suspension...the pain meds given to him at the hospital were starting to wear off, and he could feel the aches and the burning throbbing starting to return with a vengeance...all of these things he could deal with. The only thing he wasn't sure he could deal with was the distress which was now permeating the inside of his truck thanks to his beautiful passenger – he wanted her smile back. He could tell, on his drive here, that she was retreating further and further back into herself, and if she turned around to him now and said she didn't want to do this, that the two of them, together, was a bad idea...he wasn't sure that he would be able to deal with that. He took a deep breath, trying to quell the anxiety that had now also started to build up inside him and tried again... "Andy...please..?"...he inwardly cringed at how his voice broke on that second spoken word, he sounded bad...even to his own ears, but he didn't have the energy to perk himself up...not right now.

Andy tried concentrating on her breathing...counting her breaths, in and out. Her mind was still spinning a hundred miles an hour, and she was struggling against an emotional meltdown that had been loitering around her all day. She knew he wanted, needed a response from her – but she had no idea where to start...she knew that she couldn't look at him, otherwise she would turn into an emotional sobbing wreck...and if she felt certain of one thing right now, it was that she couldn't do that. She needed to be strong, she needed to be strong for him – so she took one last deep breath, kept staring dead ahead uttering the first thing that came into her head at that moment aloud, "I'm sorry...". She felt a traitorous tear trailing down her cheek and inwardly cursed herself – praying that he hadn't noticed...which of course he had. She blinked furiously, in a desperate attempt to quell the threatening flood – and keep the rest of her tears at bay, focusing on her breathing again in an attempt to regain some kind of control over the waves of emotions that were threatening to drown her.

"Sorry for what...?" Sam let his question hang in the atmosphere between them. He didn't want to ask that question...and he was definitely not sure that he wanted to hear the answer, but he had spoken before his brain had even had the chance to register what she had said...at least consciously. He could see Andy's turmoil written plainly across her face, even before she spoke. There was something in her tone, and the way she whispered the words that only served to heighten his own anxiety. He felt like he could almost sense her readiness to bolt, and was sure that his heart broke a little bit at the thought, his chest certainly felt a little bit heavier. For what was probably the hundredth time that night he fought the urge to reach out to her, to touch her. He felt as if any attempt at physically making her look at him would not be received well – and now he was a little worried about what he would see if she turned those soulful eyes on him. "Andy...what are you sorry for...Andy...?"

"I don't regret it..."...Andy uttered the words so quietly she wasn't even sure that he heard them, or even if she had actually said them out loud – at least she wouldn't have been if it hadn't been for the sharp intake of breath that she had heard from Sam's seat. It was that sound that forced her to brave a look at his face – she had said it out loud, the one thing that she had been feeling ever since she had walked back into the Alpine Inn and back to JD that night. The one thing she knew she felt, but was unable to say aloud to anyone, not even Traci, and now she had admitted it. Her admission was met with silence from Sam, she tried to read his reaction but there were so many emotions swimming in his eyes that she found identifying any one of them difficult...he quirked an eyebrow, encouraging her to continue. As Andy stared back at him she felt the queasy and uneasy guilty feeling take hold again, the one that had been sinking its claws into her ever since she had found out he was missing, and felt the overwhelming urge to explain herself "I mean...I should, right? It was stupid...I was stupid. I could've got us both killed! Frank said it, and I know it..." Andy noticed a look on Sam's face as though he was about to say something, he was about to disagree with her "and don't even try to deny it, because you know it's true!...It was ridiculously, incredibly stupid. We're both suspended...you could've died! After everything, all of this that has happened as a result of one stupid move I made, and I can't bring myself to regret it...I know I should, but I can't, and what's even more ridiculous is I don't want to! This thing with us...I shouldn't even be here...if I listened to Frank – he said no contact Sam, none...whatsoever, and within 15 minutes of leaving the station I have already disregarded everything that came out of his mouth. I know it was Boyd and his stupid half ass back story...I know that...but it could just have easily been something I said, and the fact that I wanted to see you so much that I came back...twice...knowing how dangerous it was...I should regret what happened with us, I know I should, but I can't"...Andy stopped talking for a second to take in the sight of the man before her...and the one thing she was definitely not expecting to see...a smile. It wasn't the full blown dimple effect of a smile that she had developed a strong adoration of, but a ghost of a smile none the less.

"Andy...Frank is not going to freak out about me giving you a lift home in the snow...it's freezing outside, I'm serving and protecting you from frostbite..."...Sam allowed himself to feel relieved, thankful that what he thought was going to be an attempt to bolt for the hills, wasn't actually what seemed to be bothering her. As long as she wanted to be there, with him, he could work everything else out. He reached his good hand out towards her, taking hold of her waist and tugged her closer to him. Andy good naturedly attempted to bat his hand away, but her heart wasn't really in it...she wanted to be close to him, as close as physically possible actually, so her resistance lasted all of about ten seconds before she allowed him to pull her as close as their current situation would allow. She leaned into him...planting soft kisses on his neck, and along his jaw until he captured her lips with his, using his hand as an anchor in her hair to attempt to bring them even closer to each other. Andy dug her hands into his jacket...conscious that she didn't want to aggravate any of his injuries, but also aware of her need to hold onto him, to persuade herself that he was actually there, and that he was ok. She used her grip to pull him towards her, although there was very little space between them as it was, but eventually their need for air meant that they had to pull back from each other. Sam brushed his nose over Andy's and then leaned in until their foreheads touched, attempting to catch his breath. "We're going to be ok, you know...this whole normal thing; we're going to figure it out". Andy nodded in agreement, and pulled him in for another kiss – reluctant to allow her brain to form a hundred and one thoughts again, when she had such a pleasant way of wiping any capability of thought making brain activity from her head. She wanted to lose herself in Sam like before, the way she thought she might never have the chance to do again – Franks' words of warning briefly entered her head, but left no more than seconds later when Sam attempted to de-scarf her and trail hot kisses down her neck...an involuntary gasp escaping from her before she could stop it, and she could feel Sam smile in response. "Ssssaa...Sam...I...really think...we...should go inside...", she gently pushed him away, and put some distance between them. Traci was staying with Jerry for the night, Dex had Leo and Traci's mum was out of town with family...they would have the whole place to themselves until at least mid-morning tomorrow.

Andy jumped out of the truck, and started heading to the door...stopping dead in her tracks when she didn't hear Sam behind her. She turned around, and felt her heart jump in her throat as she was reminded how badly hurt he was, and how much pain he must've been in. He attempted a smile when he saw her watching him walk up to her – but she had already seen the grimace displayed on his face when he had gingerly gotten out of his truck, and the pain still evident in his eyes where is attempt at a smile didn't quite register.

Sam was attempting to utilise the power of mind of matter...as soon as he attempted to move out from behind the wheel he had felt like the only thing his body wanted to do was collapse somewhere...never to move again. His head was pounding, and as soon as he put any kind of weight down on his leg he regretted it instantly. Thankfully the brace on his hand was stopping him from actually moving it freely; otherwise he was sure it would be screaming in protest just like the rest of his body seemed to be doing at that very moment. He read the concern etched deeply on Andy's features as soon as he reached her, and felt the need to re-assure her "I'm fine..." Andy started shaking her head in response, he saw her eyes had taken a glassy turn, and reached out his hand, tucking her hair behind her ear and stroking her cheek gently with his thumb in an attempt to comfort her. "Andy, I'm ok...nothing's broken that can't heal, and I'm fine..."Sam pulled her to him and planted a tender kiss on her forehead, "Let's go inside and you can give me a grand tour of the Nash residence...it's freezing out here". Andy reached for his hand from her cheek, and laced her fingers through his, leading the way slowly to Traci's front door.


	3. Chapter 2

A/N Thanks for all the favourites, alerts and those of you that have reviewed...this is my first attempt at writing any kind of fic, and I was nervous about posting...but I adore the McSwarek dynamic/relationship and I'm a total shipper for all things Sandy so I've been finding it therapeutic to read all the stories here until we are blessed with RB Season 3! I hope you guys enjoy...

Andy opened the door to Traci's oversized refrigerator, and buried the top half of her body inside trying to find some ingredients that she knew what to do with. "Do you want something to eat...I'm not the world's amazing cook, but there's a tonne of Leo's kid food in here...and some leftovers...I think from some Thai someone must've had yesterday..."

"Andy, I'm not hungry."

"...or I could throw together a sandwich, or some soup...how about some chicken noodle soup...or drinks – there's beer and wine in here, or I could make some coffee..." She heard him say he wasn't hungry, but couldn't make herself let go of her fixation in that moment of feeding him, she wanted to look after him – to make everything better, and right now she was starting with food. Focusing on the task at hand was also allowing her to reign in some kind of control over her imagination, which at this current moment in time was trying to insist on an internal review of all the crime scene photos she had seen from Jamie Brennan's case file...and she definitely didn't want to focus on that.

Sam smiled to himself at the sight greeting him from the kitchen doorway; she did look a bit ridiculous half buried with one boot off...the other one very firmly still on. She had taken off to the kitchen halfway through taking off her boots, when the idea must have dawned on her that they should eat. He walked over to stand behind her, placing his hands on her hips and tried again, "Andy, I'm not hungry...you don't have to feed me, I'm fine".

"I know...it's just..."She wasn't sure how to finish the sentence, and Sam pulled her back towards him wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly against him, placing strategic kisses along the spot where her neck and shoulder met...a weak spot of hers he had discovered on their first night together – and one that he was looking forward to utilising on many more occasions. He felt her relax in his arms, and heard her breathing hitch...but she wasn't quite prepared to let go of her mission quite yet, "you need to eat...you should eat something...Let me at least make you some toast or something...Sam...I'm being serious!". Andy attempted to wriggle out of his arms so that she could turn around and illustrate her point with her 'deadly serious' face – but Sam was having none of it...he tightened his grip on her even more, relishing the feel of her in his arms and continued his lip lead assault up her neck – eventually satisfying himself with nibbling her ear. He could sense the raised eyebrow that came with her next statement, even if it is was a little breathless..."I thought you said you weren't hungry". He smiled, let her unpeel herself from him, and she went back to her foraging mission. "Thai it is..." Andy emerged with a self-satisfied smile, and laid out the take out boxes on the kitchen counter. "Take your pick..."

"Andy...Oliver already force-fed me on the way back to the barn from the hospital; I really don't need to eat anymore! If you're hungry, go ahead. I'm fine". He raised his eyebrows at her, daring her to attempt to mention anything else about him and food in the same sentence.

"Well at least have something to drink then..."

"Fine...if it makes you happy, I will drink...here." He pulled a beer out for each of them, and handed Andy hers before padding back to the living room and trying to get comfy on the couch. Andy followed him after about 5 minutes, attempting to nibble on her reheated phad thai on her way. Sam patted his hand on the couch, silently asking her to come and sit with him when he noticed her loitering in the doorway. Andy didn't have to be asked twice; she removed her last boot and happily plonked herself on the seat next to him. She soon decided that they weren't anywhere near close enough and snuggled up and backwards in her seat until her back was resting against his chest and she wrapped his arm around her neck and shoulders, abandoning her half eaten bowl of noodles on the coffee table with both their beer bottles. "Yesterday's takeout not tasting so great...?"

"Mmmmm...not really that hungry" She wasn't hungry at all; her mission was more about occupying herself than her actual need for food. Sam felt a sarcastic comment rise on his tongue at that statement, but stopped himself before he said it out loud, instead satisfying himself with the fact that Andy was snuggled up against him and he didn't actually want her to move away from that spot, at least not anytime in the near future. They both sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the feel of being together and trying to ward off the exhaustion of the day. Andy knew he didn't want to talk, and it had been a day from hell for both of them, especially him, but she couldn't quiet the thoughts in her head anymore...the questions she needed answers to, and the confessions she promised herself she would make. She attempted to take the sting of what she wanted to ask him by placing a gentle kiss on his hand, and then tugging it down so that his arm was around her waist. She held his hand on her lap in one of her own, using her other free hand to trace the patterns of the lines on his palm...she decided she had always loved his hands.

"Are you attempting to look into our future or something McNally?" His was tired, she could tell, but his statement had a teasing edge to it that brought a slight smile to her lips. She ignored his question though, and attempted to steady her rising heartbeat with a deep breath – she needed to ask him.

"Sam...?"

"Mmmhhhhmmmm..."

"What happened...?" She felt him tense behind her, but he didn't attempt to move away like she worried he would. She laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand to offer what she hoped was reassurance...reassurance that he could talk to her, that she needed him to talk to her.

"What do you mean?" Sam stalled for some time in attempt to try and think of an obvious way to divert this conversation. He really didn't want to have to go through all the details of everything now, again, not with Andy, especially not with Andy. It would upset her, he knew it would, and right now he was not willing to do that. He was trying not to think about any of it if he was honest, and he wasn't completely sure that he would be able to make through reliving any of the details himself.

"You know what I mean." Andy let go of his hand and shifted around in her seat to face him, hoping that he would be more encouraged to be open with her if she was facing him. She crossed her legs so that she could shimmy closer again, and then reached for his hand...missing the contact from before. She looked up at him, his face and his eyes and waiting patiently for him to answer. Sam's face and eyes were guarded, returning her stare and she could tell he was trying to think of what he should say to her. "Sam, you need to talk about it...you need to talk about it, and I need to know, so the logical solution would be for you to talk to me about it."

"I don't." He saw open her mouth to disagree with him, and tried really, really hard to convey to her with what he hoped wasn't too harsh a glare that he needed her to drop it. He watched her reaction, saw the falter, her eyes taking in every detail of his face and then he saw them change, her face had changed to her pleading face, her brown eyes pleading with his stubbornness and he knew there was no way he was getting out of this conversation. Sam closed his eyes, took his hand away from Andy, pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm the anxious waves he could feel building in his stomach. He resolved with himself to give it one more try, "Andy...please...?" he opened his eyes on the second word, her face was still wearing that same expression, and he felt his resolve falter. "You already know what happened; I was made because of the stupid ass drug boat. Brennan was hoping to entice some information out of me about who killed his family, and you guys came and saved the day before any lasting damage was done...end of story". He reached for her hand again, missing her, and sincerely hoping she would let it go. Andy willing gave him back her hand, reaching across him for his braced one and pulling that to her as well. He watched her study the fingers of his damaged hand, and tenderly run her thumb down each one before she looked back up at him, and studied his face. He knew she wasn't going to let it drop.

Andy attempted to gage what his next reaction would be. She knew she was pushing him into this, and the last thing she wanted to do was upset him, but she really did need to know. She felt responsible, and she knew she couldn't say that to him. He wouldn't accept it even slightly, but she needed to know what had happened to him so that she could attempt to file it somewhere and never think about it again. Well, not strictly true...of course she would think about it, a lot, probably until forever, but that didn't change the fact that she really, really needed to know. "What happened to your hand?" She asked the question quietly, almost whispered it, as if the quieter she spoke the less painful it would be to answer.

"It's broken."

Andy stifled a sigh...he didn't want to talk about it, and she knew he wasn't going to make it easy on her, but there was no way she was going to let him get out telling her that easily. She gave him a pointed look with an eyebrow arched, which she hoped said that she was not amused and to stop being a jackass. "How?"

Sam pulled his broken hand away from Andy's grasp and looked away from her stare, interesting himself in what had suddenly become a very fascinating fabric pattern on the arm of Traci's couch.

"Hammer."

Andy didn't know what she was expecting him to say, but she wasn't expecting that. She tried not to react, tried really, really hard not to. The only problem with attempting to reign in her reaction is that the sound she involuntarily emitted sounded not quite human...the closest equivalent she could think of being a half whimper of some kind of wounded animal. Her wounded animal squeak brought Sam's focus right back to her face, concern etched in his features and she felt her heart break a little bit. How was it even the slightest bit possible, given their current topic of conversation, that his main concern was her?

"Andy..."

"Your leg..."

"What...?"

"What happened to your leg?" she had encouraged him to start talking about it, and he might have only offered responses in no more than a few syllables, but she wasn't about to give up yet.

"Let's just say that his weapons of choice were consistent" Andy managed to stop any more bizarre squeaks coming out of her mouth, she felt a little more prepared. She wasn't able to stop the feeling of heart constricting in her chest though, as she felt tears begin to pool again and furiously blinked them away. She knew that there were some awfully sick people in the world, doing their job she would've been blind not to realise it, but she found it extremely difficult to comprehend how anyone could willingly attempt to inflict such pain. The fact that the person on the receiving end was Sam just made it even more difficult for her to process.

"What else...?"

Sam saw her unshed tears threatening to fall, and made a deal with himself that she didn't need to know anything else. Enough of the past 24hrs had been spent dealing with Jamie Brennan, and he was not about to let him overshadow tonight as well. He was done. She could use her beautiful eyes to plead with him all she liked; he was making a decision for the greater good. He pulled her to him using his good hand, and held her close, rubbing slow circles on her back and burying his face in her hair so that he could smell her shampoo. "Let it go...I'm here, we're both here, and we're both ok. That's pretty much all I care about right now."

Andy pulled back from him a little bit so she could look him in the eye, "You're blatantly not ok – nothing about this is ok..."

"Let it go! I'm deadly serious...we are not having this conversation. I would be feeling a lot better right now if you would let this drop!" Sam felt ridiculously exhausted and knew he sounded sharp, and angry with her. With one look at the hurt written across her face he felt instantly guilty and tried again. "I'm sorry... I...Brennan has already taken up too much of the time that I could've been spending with you – I don't want to waste anymore. It doesn't matter." He saw some acknowledgement in Andy's eyes and that was all the encouragement he needed. He pulled her back to him again, wrapping her tightly in his arms, and Andy hugged him back just as tightly, snuggling into his chest in an attempt to get even closer. The sound of his heartbeat calmed her, and she closed her eyes so she could focus on the reassurance it gave her.

"I thought...for a while...I was scared..."

"Andy...don't..."

"No...I missed you. I missed you so much when you left, and I didn't think...I didn't think it was possible to miss you anymore than I was, but then after the bar and after that night – I did. That's why I came back, when you called." Andy wanted to tell him, make him understand how much he meant to her but just couldn't find the words...nothing seemed to even come close. She looked up into his eyes, hoping to see a sign that he understood what she was trying to say.

"I know." Sam flashed his dimples at her, and her heart skipped a beat. "I kind of missed you too."

Andy smiled back, an unconscious reaction that happened nearly every time he flashed his dimples at her, and decided to indulge him. "Only kind of...?"

He winked at her, trying to decide which way he wanted to take this conversation. Teasing Andy had become one of his favourite pastimes, and he was reluctant to let this opportunity go by, but that is what he decided upon. She had been honest and open with him all night, and felt it only fair that he partake in some of the confessional's that seemed to be driving their evening. "A lot...I didn't make that phone call lightly you know. I knew what I was doing, and I called you anyway."


	4. Chapter 3

A Discovery

Andy semi-consciously stretched out and stuck her toes out from under the bottom of the duvet in an attempt to measure the room temperature. Within the next few minutes she realised several things, all in very quick succession. One – it was an extremely bright winters day...she could practically feel the sun reflecting off the snow through the black-out blinds in the living room it was so bright. Two – she was not alone on the sofa bed, she was using a human arm as a head support and could not stop the smile creeping onto her lips when she remembered exactly who the arm acting as her pillow belonged to. When Andy finally managed to convince herself to pry open one of her eyes in an attempt to reach for her phone and discover the time, she saw something she was not expecting...in the sofa chair directly opposite her and in her current line of vision was Traci, looking directly at her and pulling her infamous and unmistakeable questioning face. Traci waited until she saw the shock register on Andy's face before leaving her current position and returning to the kitchen.

Andy gingerly removed herself from Sam's arms...in her now wide awake state she had become acutely aware of his other arm being tightly wrapped around her waist, and she really didn't want him to wake up before she had the chance to talk to Traci - she slipped out from under the duvet and followed her best friend into the kitchen closing the door behind her. Andy found Traci with her back to her, making a fresh pot of coffee. 'Trace...I...I didn't...I thought...I thought you were going to Jerry's...'

'Obviously!'

'Ssshhh...Will you keep your voice down...I'm sorry – I didn't think you would be back this early!'

Traci turned around passing an oversized mug of coffee to her friend, with disbelief plainly written across her features, 'You mean to tell me that you were thinking last night...that some part of your brain that was capable of coherent thought attempted the process of thinking this through...and I still come home to find the McSwareks' tucked up together in my living room!'

'Trace I...Mc-what?... '

Traci allowed her friends attempt at a deflection hang in the air between them, knowing how Andy wouldn't be able to take the silence, and also knowing that her friend would know that she was not about to buy into any kind of pre-rehearsed back story. Andy took a large gulp of coffee, in the hope that the caffeine would school her brain into being able to produce at least half coherent sentences, and slid onto a stool by the counter – bracing herself for what she knew was coming. She took a deep breath, placing her coffee down on the breakfast bar in front of her and knew that she had to make her friend understand. 'Trace...I...I know you think I'm being stupid, that I'm being reckless...'

'Ummm...suspension Andy? Does that word ring any bells? How about the NO CONTACT! I know I'm a police officer – but you don't have to be anything close to know that what was going on in there had nothing to do with either...'Traci hissed at her friend in an attempt to bring home the seriousness of their current situation – waving her arms in the general direction of her living room, just in case Andy was somehow unaware of what she was referring to.

'Ok...ok!' Andy held her hands up at her friend, indicating surrender and praying that Traci would let her speak. 'I know this may seem like a big error in judgement from where you're standing...' Traci opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again when Andy held up her hands once more asking her to stop and listen. 'I thought that you would understand...I need you to understand...I...Sam is...he could've...he's...he's my person Trace.

'Andy...'

'No...You remember right? When you were stuck in that van with Jerry – how you said he was your person? You knew you needed to get out of that van, but you really didn't want to...That's what this is...kinda...Sam's my person. What if it had been Jerry? What if he had gone missing and you spent the entire time worrying that you were never going to see him again, and that he could be dead – that something horrible happened to him...would you just be able to walk away? I need to know that he's ok Trace...'

Traci took hold of Andy's hands in an attempt to offer a little bit of comfort. 'Andy...I'm not doubting how much he means to you – that's not what I'm saying. I mean – seriously? Everyone knew how completely into each other the two of you were before you would even consider it for yourself...' Andy scrunched up her nose in distaste at Traci's current tactic but she pushed on undeterred. 'Just think about this logically for a second. Sam's fine...he's going to be fine. The two of you are fantastic at your jobs – and you should be able to do them again. Do you really want to resent each other 5 years down the line for losing the jobs you both loved, because you couldn't wait three months to catch up on some sexy time? Sam has waited practically 2 years for you to decide you want to be with him...do you really think he would have a problem waiting another 3 months knowing now that you definitely do?' Andy started to shake her head at her friend's statement, and Traci saw she was about to argue back at her so decided not to give her the option...'Ok...look. One hour...I have to run some errands, pick up Leo and fetch some groceries. Don't give me that look...one hour Andy, and when I get back Sam can't be here...Ok?...Ok?'

'Ok! Geez...ok...yes, I heard you.'

'Ok.' Satisfied that she had made her point Traci gathered her bag and keys – deposited her coffee mug in the dishwasher and hugged her friend on her way out to the hallway, whispering reassurance in her ear as she left 'It'll all work out – you'll see.' Traci waited until she was sure Andy was out of earshot and then called Jerry to update him on her morning's developments while attempting to manoeuvre herself out of the front door and into her car.

Andy deposited two fresh mugs of coffee on the living room floor...as close to Sam's head as she could manage. She knew he hadn't slept well and felt awful about having to wake him. Andy hoped the promise of fresh coffee would be enough to rouse him, and perched herself on the edge of sofa bed waiting for the coffee aroma to work its magic. She sat and waited for at least 10 minutes, but with no sign of stirring she reached out to shake him gently...'Sam...Sam you have to wake up...Sam...'...nothing. She shook him a little harder, and heard him grunt softly and turn around to face her – his eyes still firmly shut. Andy caught her breath slightly in her throat when she noticed how purple the bruising on his face had become, and how angry the gash on the top of his head looked – she reached out wanting to touch the side of his face, but stopped herself before making contact – worried that she would hurt him, and decided to try a different mode of attack. She leant over him and began to place soft butterfly kisses all over his face, starting on his forehead, nose, cheeks and jaw line – ending up at his mouth, and pulled away when she felt him respond to her and saw him smirking at her though half closed, sleepy eyelids. 'Hey you...'

'Hey. I made coffee...'

'Mmmhhhmmm...smells good,' Sam mumbled back at her, his voice raspy from sleep and he closed his eyes again attempting to bury his head in the pillow.

Andy smiled down at him and affectionately poked him on the arm, 'Sam, you have to get up...how are you feeling?'

Sam made a half-hearted attempt to lift his head off the pillow, and made it to an approximately forty five degree angle before the clanging samba street party that was currently setting up residence in his skull put up slightly too big a protest at the movement, and he gave up the battle. He thought of a much better idea, and pulled Andy down to his level. Wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, and nuzzling in at her shoulder. It may have just been having something else to focus on that made him feel better, but focusing his senses on the fresh smell of shampoo in her still damp hair and her freshly applied body lotion – a smell he had come to know as Andy – instantly started to ease the throbbing pain inside his skull. It is quite possible that Andy's secret healing powers were all psychological, but right now he was choosing to believe that it was the fact she was there that was making him feel better.

"Sam...are you ok?" Andy picked up on a muffled 'Mmmmhmmm' coming from his general direction and shuffled round in the bed so that she was facing him. 'Do you need me to go and get your meds?"

"Nope..."

"Sam..."

"Mmhmmmm"

"We really need to move...Traci will be back soon."

"Yep...soon."

Andy attempted to push him away from her, and made a move to get out of bed...which was met with a frown from Sam. "Please...you have to move. I will go and grab you a towel for the shower, and once you've finished we can go pick up some groceries and head over to your place."

"Groceries McNally...you wake up to me, and you want to talk groceries?"

"Technically I woke up to you over an hour ago...so yep, I'm talking groceries. Get up." Andy rolled her eyes at Sam's still non-moving form. "Seriously Sam..."

"Alright...ok...you grab a towel and I'm moving. Sam waited until Andy had pushed herself off the bed, and headed into the hallway before he attempted to move out of his current position. He had a feeling it wouldn't be a pretty sight, and he didn't want Andy to see him struggling with hauling his butt out of bed. A few minutes, and several harsh curse words later Sam was sat on the corner of the bed, with the heel of his free hand, welded as tightly as he could manage, to his forehead – in an attempt to stop his head from exploding. He didn't register Andy's presence in the room until he felt the bed dip beside him and felt her hand on his shoulder. He removed his hand from his head and peered up at her to be met with sad eyes filled with concern. Sam attempted a smile of reassurance and reached for the towel Andy had gripped in hand.

"Sam..."

"Andy its fine...I'm fine." He pulled the towel from her grip and gingerly stood up, trying not to put too much weight on his leg. Andy followed Sam's lead and stood up beside him, wrapping her arms around his waist and placing a gentle kiss on his shoulder.

"I can help...do you need...do you want me to help?"

Sam turned his head, quirked an eyebrow and smiled. "Are you offering to join me in the shower McNally?"

Andy responded with a raised eyebrow of her own, "I really don't think you're in a well enough state to be entertaining those kind of ideas do you?" but she couldn't stop herself from smiling back him.

"Oh I can _entertain _them!" Sam confirmed, his smile growing by the minute. As much as Andy wanted to continue down the road Sam was currently looking down, she knew she had to get him dressed and out of the house before Traci returned so settled with placing a chaste sweet kiss on his cheek and giving him a gentle nudge in the direction of the bathroom before he had a chance to grab hold of her. "Ok, ok...I get it – shower – I'm going".

Andy twitchily sat on the edge of the couch chewing at her thumb nail. Sam had been in the bathroom for at least 40 minutes, and Traci was due back any second. She had cleaned up the living room, put the sofa bed away and packed an overnight bag all in that time – as well as knocking on the bathroom door several times to check on him and see if he needed any help, an offer which was refused each and every time. She paced towards the bathroom door and was just about to knock again when Sam opened it from the inside. "Hey..."

"Hey...you good to go?"

"I might need to put some shoes on before venturing outside..."

"Right...sure...of course...they're in the hall."

"What's up with you...you're all edgy..."

"What?...nothing...it's just...Traci will be back any minute and she...you know what – it doesn't matter right now, we can talk about it later."

"Andy..."

"Can we please just go...shoes are down the hall, I will grab your jacket and we can head out."

Sam dipped his head in a nod of agreement and followed Andy's retreating form to the front door, stopping briefly to apply his shoes and jacket before facing the icy cold outside. He smiled to himself when he noticed she had packed a bag, but chose not to mention it just in case she changed her mind – instead he placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her out the front door and towards the passenger side of his truck across the street.


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N**Thank you again for all the reviews and alerts...they are fast becoming my drug of choice! I'm hoping to be able to update quicker now that my current uni module has come to an end, so please continue to feed me my fixes and I will do my best to uphold my end of the bargain! Hope you guys continue to enjoy reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it****

Chapter 5

Andy placed her now empty mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table and snuggled up between Sam and his fireplace – stretching her legs out on the floor and using the lounge chair as a back rest. She had spent a perfectly happy and contented day with him, between picking up groceries and helping him unpack his house again – and was now trying to think of way to casually invite herself to stay over, but every statement she ran through in her head didn't sound right, so she decided not to mention anything. He hadn't mentioned her bag, and she had left it in his truck when they got here. She didn't want to assume she could stay – but he also hadn't asked her to leave yet, and she decided the ball was best left in his court – if he wanted her to leave he could say so, otherwise she was staying perfectly, happily and contentedly put. Sam wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer to him, placing a kiss on the top of her head – giving Andy the opportunity to snuggle up even closer to him, which she seized without a second thought – finding the perfect resting spot leaning against his shoulder. "You ok?" he mumbled into her hair.

"Mmmmhmmm – yep, good."

"You're quiet. You're never quiet."

"Just thinking."

"Don't." Andy twisted her head and peered up at him through her eyelashes with what Sam considered to be the most adorable confused face he had ever seen, and felt a smile pull at the corners of his mouth. "Don't over think..."

"I can't help it!"

"Andy..."

"It's like telling me not to breathe...you..." Sam pulled her close, and kissed her – effectively silencing her protest and wiping all thoughts from her head other than him kissing her and how good those kisses were. In fact the only thought crossing her mind now was that she didn't want him to ever stop. She fisted his t-shirt and used it to pull him closer to her, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Just as she was well and truly about to lose herself in a world of Sam he pulled away from her, eliciting a small groan of disappointment from Andy - at which his dimples made a full blown appearance.

"Better?" he grinned at her.

Andy let out an exasperated sigh, and rolled her eyes at him – but she couldn't stop herself from smiling back. "You're ridiculous."

"Worked didn't it?"

Sam's phone (which had been haphazardly discarded on the couch after his earlier phone call with his sister) buzzed into life, effectively ending the moment – and Andy felt her stomach drop. "Don't answer it..."

"What?"

"Please don't answer it..."

Now it was Sam's turn to look confused, he raised his hand and gestured for her to explain while attempting to move from his comfy spot of the floor and reach for his phone – all of which was not an easy task when he only really had the use of one good arm and leg. Andy pushed herself off the floor and reached for his phone – checking the caller ID.

"It's Jerry."

"Ok...are you going to give me my phone?"

"Sam..."

"What...?"

"He probably knows I'm here..."

Sam wasn't sure if it was the extremely strong painkillers he had taken an hour ago that was hampering his logical thought processes, but he was definitely confused. He attempted to reach for his phone from Andy, "and your point is..."

"I just want a little longer of being this...us...before we have to deal with all the messy outside world stuff." Andy waved her hands around in the air between to the two of them to emphasize her point.

"I really think you're overestimating Jerry's interest in my personal life."

"Maybe – but I'm not overestimating Traci's interest in mine, and she could just have easily picked up Jerry's phone."

"Why? Why would she call me on Jerry's phone? She could just call you."

"She has."

Sam's hand dropped back down to his side as the phone stopped ringing, and they both stood still studying each other's reactions. "Andy...I...what?"

"She came back from Jerry's early this morning – while you were still asleep, and kind of flipped out on me a little bit about ignoring the 'no contact during the suspension' detail. She said that the two of us couldn't stay there, so I left and came back here with you and I think she's been calling me more or less every hour since she realised I wasn't around."

"And said what?"

"Nothing. I don't know. I didn't pick up, and she didn't leave any messages so..." Andy shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to portray the idea that she didn't really care - the only problem being that Sam knew her far too well for that, and he knew that she really did – probably a lot. Putting off thinking about the repercussions of what they were doing was not going to make them go away. He reached for her hand and pulled her to him, resting the other one on her hip and tried to gage what was going on in her head. Andy used her free hand to trail patterns up and down his arm, in an attempt to distract her from the level of scrutiny he was currently levelling at her. She knew he could read her far too easily, and sometimes she really wished that she was better at smokescreens.

"Andy...if you want to go..." Sam attempted to say the words without any indication that he really wanted her to stay. He didn't want to influence her in this; it had to be her decision. Andy felt her heart stop a little bit, and her eyes widened in panic.

"Do you want me to go?"

"That's not what I said..."

"What do you want?" Andy's hand had now migrated to Sam's waist and was tracing gentle patterns against his skin, loitering dangerously close to his waistband and it was making it increasingly hard for him to think about anything other than how good her touch felt. He placed his braced hand over hers in an attempt to stop her ministrations momentarily – they needed to talk about this.

"Andy..."his voice had a vulnerable edge to it that took her by surprise. She tried to decipher what he was thinking, what was coming next – but he was being guarded with her again, and unlike her – he was better at hiding what he was thinking.

"What?...this isn't just about me...Do you want me to stay or go?"

"I can't tell you what to do."

"I'm not asking you to, I'm just asking what you want..."

"I want you to stay." Sam cursed himself, cursed himself for being weak willed and selfish. He really didn't want to influence her decision, but he also really needed her to stay. His need for her to be with him won out – he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time either. Andy looked back at up him, and caught her breath for a moment. He was being completely honest with her. He may have only spoken a few words but his eyes said so much more.

Andy smiled at him, shrugged her shoulders in an indication of how simply obvious her conclusion would be. "Then I'm staying."

"Andy...You don't have to agr..."

"I'm staying – I want to stay here with you." Sam reached for his phone and pulled it from Andy's grasp, switching it off and throwing it back down on the couch.

"Ok – it's a deal. No more phones for a little while longer. You know we are gonna have to deal with everyone at some point right?"

"I know...just not yet." Andy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, formalising a plan in her head of how she could show Sam exactly how much she wanted to stay.

Jerry hung up the phone, and placed it down on Traci's kitchen counter. "Voicemail..."

"He switched it off?...Maybe we should go round there..."

Jerry reached for, and wrapped his arms around his girl. "They're adults, ok. They know what they're doing – if this is what they decide they want then they're not going to listen to us. This is Sam were talking about – he's not exactly known for his love of the rulebook – besides we're not exactly the best example of playing by the rules."

"She could lose her job."

"They both could."

"I just can't believe she's doing this! I know about it now too – it's not like I can take that knowledge back...what am I supposed to say to Frank if he asks after her?"

"He won't."

"But what if he does?"

"Just tell him you haven't seen her – it's not a lie. Just say you haven't seen her and you don't know where she is. We don't know she's with Sam – we're just assuming."

"She's with Sam."

"Ok, but we don't _know_ that."

Traci allowed Jerry to distract her from their present topic of conversation with his strategically placed kisses – promising herself that she would get hold of her friend and shake some sense into her before the end of the day tomorrow.

Andy pulled herself away from Sam's kisses giving her just enough space to catch her breath. They shouldn't be doing this – surely they shouldn't be, she didn't want to hurt him and not that he was complaining but his injuries must have been protesting at his current position wrapped up in Andy and effectively pinning her to the couch. Sam continued undeterred, hooking his fingers under her bra strap and pulling it aside placing several kisses along the single strip of bare skin that it had obscured from him seconds before (her sweater and t-shirt had both been introduced to Sam's living room floor several minutes earlier when he had decided they were becoming far too obstructive). "I feel at a disadvantage in the clothing stakes here...you have some catching up to do..." Andy mumbled breathlessly in Sam's ear, while pulling at the hem of his t-shirt in an attempt to dislodge it from its current home. Sam flashed his dimples at her and peeled himself just far enough away from her to pull his t-shirt off with his good arm.

"Happy?"

Andy didn't answer, she didn't even register that Sam had spoken to her; her attention had been drawn to the several bruises that could now be clearly identified across his chest and stomach. She pushed herself up off the couch so that she mirrored his now sitting position and reached for his braced hand – lightly tracing her finger down each of his and placing a gentle kiss on the end of each one. She continued the pattern on the rest of his body – gently tracing the outline of each cut or bruise, placing a tender sweet kiss on each one.

"Andy..." Sam attempted to draw her attention away from his injuries, but his voice was rough with emotion when he tried to gain her attention. He felt overwhelmed by the affection and tenderness he could feel in her touch, and wasn't completely sure how to react – how to make sure she knew exactly how much he treasured her. Words failed him, so he went for the next best thing he could think of...he used his good hand to lift her chin so that looked at him – hoped against hope that she could see everything he didn't know how to say written on his face, nudged her nose with his own and then kissed her deeply. When they eventually separated for air Andy smiled shyly at him, letting him know she understood.

"Where are the keys to your truck?"

"I think I left them on the kitchen counter...why?"

"I need to pick up my bag...I have something in there I think you might like..."

Andy placed a quick kiss on Sam's cheek and jumped up from the couch, collecting her sweater and t-shirt along the way, throwing a cheeky grin over her shoulder towards a bemused looking Sam. Tonight was fast becoming one of her most favourite of living memory, and she was about to make it even better.


	6. Chapter 5

**Again - thank you for the reviews! They make me want to keep writing this story, so thank you so much for taking the time out to let me know what you think! You guys rock! I hope you like this chapter as much, it kind of ran away from me a bit - and I promise I will not try to keep you waiting too long to find out what I have in store next! **

"Ok so I have a question..." Andy pulled herself up onto Sam's countertop and watched him put on a fresh batch of coffee, gratefully taking some orange juice from him when he turned and passed her a glass. Sam placed a hand on either side of her on the counter, and leaned in to steal a kiss before responding.

"Just the one? It's been like quick fire 20 questions since your eyes opened this morning!"

"What? I was just making conversation..."

Sam just smiled at her, and shook his head in mock despair. "Ok – fine, I cave – what?"

"Do you want to come and finalise my mortgage with me today? I could make an appointment to view the condo again – I want you to see it." Andy wrapped her arms around Sam's shoulders – massaging them lightly with her fingers. She didn't know what had happened to her, she didn't normally have the urge to be so tactile in relationships, but with Sam she just couldn't resist touching him – whenever he was within reaching distance some part of her had to be touching him.

"Sure...why not." Andy's face lit up at his response, and he had to forcibly stop himself from laughing at her. He smiled back, and leaned towards her stealing one more kiss "On one condition."

"What?"

"That little ensemble you donned last night makes a repeat appearance when we get back." He grinned as he watched her turn a certain shade of crimson, a small smile playing on her lips followed by a nod of agreement.

"You have yourself a deal officer – I just need to grab a shower, and then I'm ready to go." Sam stepped back from her so that she could slide down off his kitchen counter, but he took hold of her wrist before she had the chance to walk away from him.

"We could always attack today in reverse order..."

Andy smiled innocently up at him, and wrapped her arms around his neck placing a soft kiss on his lips and whispered playfully "Then what would I have to bargain with...?"

"I could think of a few things..."

"Nope...not going to happen. Patience is a virtue Sam Swarek – you're mother should have taught you better." Andy unwrapped herself from Sam's arms and strode purposefully towards his stairs, adding extra sway to her hips knowing that he was watching her walk away and smiled to herself when she heard him groan from the kitchen.

"You're going to be the death of me McNally!"

...

Andy excitedly jangled the keys to her condo, and strode purposefully towards what was soon to be her home – pulling a bemused Sam along behind her. She came to an abrupt halt outside her front door causing Sam to stumble into the back of her, eliciting a muffled "oompf" from his lips, followed very closely by a "Jesus McNally! What are you doing?"

She turned and smiled sheepishly at him "Sorry..."

"Are you going to open the door, or is this just a viewing of the hallway?"

"Yeah...I just...you know some people say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

Sam responded to with a raised eyebrow and reiterated his statement with a wave of his arm towards her front door. Andy turned so her whole body was facing him and took hold of Sam's waving hand, interlacing their fingers and smiled up at him. "Close your eyes."

Sam's face took on a look of disbelief. "What?"

"Please!"

"Andy...I'm not clo..."

"I said please..! Indulge me ok – I've never shown this place to anyone before – well except for Traci and that was the first time I had seen it too so it doesn't count." Andy tried out her best pleading face, even pouted her lips slightly as Sam looked incredulously back at her. "Please."

Sam rolled his eyes, but couldn't stop a ghost of a smile appearing on his lips. "Ok, fine – eyes closed, see." He highlighted his point by pointing at his now tightly shut eyes with his free hand, while silently chastising himself – the things he would do to please this woman.

Andy reached up and kissed his cheek, whispering a thank you in his ear, which increased the size of Sam's smile and turned around to unlock her door, keeping a tight hold on his hand the entire time.

...

Andy sat on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs back and forth in a subconscious effort to rid herself of some nervous energy – she had no idea why his approval mattered so much to her, but she had been waiting for him to finish his inspection of her soon to be new home for at least 20 minutes – and it wasn't that big. The longer he was taking the antsier she became. She huffed out a sigh, and rolled her eyes at herself. When did she become 'that' girl – she was being ridiculous – it was her place, she loved it – end of story. She had almost convinced herself of the fact that she was merely just interested in his opinion when he walked back into view and leaned up against the doorframe of her future bedroom – bringing the nervous butterflies in her stomach back into action. She offered him a small smile, the best she could manage in her current state. "So what do you think?"

"It's nice."

Andy slid of the counter top and walked over to him, subconsciously reaching for his hand, which he gave her freely.

"Really?"

"Yes really – I can see why you like it. Why? -what were you expecting me to say?"

"I don't know...you were taking a long time in there..."

"Well it's your future bedroom – I had to make sure it would meet certain criteria."

Andy didn't respond, merely rolled her eyes at his cheeky grin and pulled him closer, wrapping her free arm around his shoulder. "You think you'd be happy here...I mean hanging out with me here?"

"Sweetheart, I'd be happy hanging out with you in a cardboard box. Yes, it's nice – if you like it, and you want it then we should go pay that bank manager of yours a visit."

Andy grinned widely up at the man in front of her, untangled her hand from his and used it to take hold of his shirt pulling him towards her, and peppered his face with kisses. She felt, more than heard his laugh through a rumble in his chest and only stopped when he cupped her face in both his hands to keep her still, and kissed her with the kind of feeling that made her knees go weak. Andy melted into him, thankful that she had the thought of anchoring herself with his shirt before they started this. She felt Sam reach for her and lift her off the floor, and she wrapped her legs around him as he moved them around so that she could lean against the wall, freeing one of his hands he moved her hair out of his way and began a lip lead assault from the base of her neck to her jaw line – feeling her pulse accelerate beneath his kisses. She wriggled against him, creating a delicious friction, and pulling a moan from Sam's mouth as his fingers dug into her hips and gripped hold of her even tighter. Andy ran her fingers through his hair, massaging as she went, and pulled his head back slightly so his dark eyes met hers.

"You know that little ensemble you were so fond of yesterday..." Andy raised an eyebrow in indication of exactly what she meant.

It took a few moments but Andy saw when her words registered, he looked at her in a way that sent tingly waves of anticipation through her whole body – all the way to her toes. Andy grinned down at him, chewing on her bottom lip and that was it was all it took for Sam – she really would be the death of him – innocent and seductive temptress all in one. He let go of her hips allowing her to slide down to the floor, kissing her thoroughly in the process. "Are you sure you really want to start this here – because I'm not going to be letting go of you for a very long time if we do."

Andy reached for Sam's waist and made easy work of unbuckling his belt, reaching up to whisper in his ear "Promises, promises...". Sam wrapped his arms around Andy's waist and backed her up and through the bedroom doorway, unleashing his dimples on her and reaching down to left her up again.

"McNally...you have no idea."

...

Andy hopped around the bathroom of her soon to be new home, pulling up her jeans with one hand and attempting to pull her sweater down with the other. Once she was satisfied she resembled some kind of dressed state she pulled her hair up into a messy knot and splashed some cold water on her face, attempting to dispel some of the colour still evident there. The fact that a half dressed Sam was loitering; leaned up against the doorframe watching her with a smirk wide enough to bridge the highway was not helping her cause. She looked back at him through the bathroom mirror and narrowed her eyes. "Don't!"

"What?"

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Sam amended his facial expressions to confused, feigning innocence.

Andy spun around on her heel and walked over to him, poking her finger at his chest. "Like you are now...like you've just seen me naked."

"I have."

"So not the point! Will you put your shirt on...! We have to get these keys back to the real estate office before they start to think I've stolen them!"

"I did pre-warn you. This is not completely my fault you know...you started it." His smirk replaced his feigned innocence, and Andy realised it might even possibly be bigger than before.

Andy couldn't resist smiling back at him, "Yes, ok – fine. I couldn't help it; you're irresistible to me – happy? Now you will please finish getting dressed so that we can go."

"You know it's a good job this place is empty – otherwise we would have had even more surfaces to get through."

"Sam!"

"Ok, ok...!" Sam held his hands up in surrender, and walked back into the bedroom – picking up his t-shirt and pulling it over his head as he went.

It was at that point that Andy realised the music she was hearing was actually her ring tone, and jogged past Sam out into the living area to rummage through her bag. She didn't realise Sam had followed her until she felt his hands wrap around her waist and pull her to him, placing a gentle kiss on her neck. "It might be the real es..." Andy stopped mid-flow when she checked her caller ID. Sam peered over her shoulder and saw Traci's name flash on the screen.

"You're gonna have to pick up one of her calls at some point – otherwise she's going to be reporting you as a missing person."

"I know...I just...I know what she's going to say."

"Andy...if you don't want to do this..."

Andy felt an anxious, panicked feeling take hold of her again and turned round to look at Sam so that she could make him believe the next sentence out of her mouth. "No...No, no, no – that's not it! I do, I really do – I just...I know what she's going to say, and she makes it sound so logical and like I'm being completely unreasonable because I want to be here, because I want to be with you – and I don't want to fight with her."

"Andy...just answer the phone. The longer you avoid talking to her the worse it's going to be."

Andy took a deep breath, attempted a smile in the hope that it would aid to cover any nerves in her voice and pressed the screen to answer call. "Hey Trace..."

"Andy?"

"Yep. How is everything – how's Leo?"

"Seriously? Are you ok? I've been trying to get a hold of you for like forever!"

"Me? I'm fine...totally fine."

"Andy..."

"Trace I'm fine!"

"Are you at Sam's?"

"Nope." Andy was met with silence at Traci's end of the line, and she grimaced but stood her ground. In her defence she wasn't technically lying, she may be with Sam but she wasn't at his place at this precise moment in time.

"You really are a bad liar, even over the phone."

"I'm not lying...I'm not...I'm at the Condo. I came back for another viewing, and I was just about to go to the bank to see if I could finalise my mortgage."

Oh my god Andy! That's fantastic! If your condo buying do you want to meet up for a celebratory drink later?...We don't have to go to The Penny." She wasn't completely buying what her friend was selling, but she knew better than to attempt that conversation over the phone.

"Sure, sounds great. Can I call you later? I really have to go..."

"Of course...and Andy...?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you're ok."

"Thanks –I'll see you later."

"Yep, see you soon."

Andy hung up the phone, let out the breath she had been holding and attempted a small smile of reassurance in Sam's direction while she waited for the nervous sick feeling in her stomach to pass. He raised an eyebrow at her in unspoken question. "It's all under control...I just need to sign off my mortgage, and spend an evening dodging Traci's loaded interrogation while attempting to keep a clear head despite her insistence on plying me with celebratory alcohol!"

"That's quite a task list."

"Like I said...all under control. Can you do me a favour though, and just give me a ride to the bank? If I have to go straight from being with you to seeing Traci she is going to see straight through me in five seconds straight."

Sam's let his hands drop from Andy's waist, and took a couple of steps back, staring at her through narrowed eyes. "Andy...you can't avoid this. If we are going to be together, we're together. I'm not doing this half measure, and I'm not creeping around like we're teenagers out after curfew."

Andy reached for Sam's hands, missing his contact from before but he took another step back from her, avoiding her touch. "That's not what I mean...". Sam squared his jaw, schooled his expression into one of indifference, and moved back towards the door picking up his jacket and keys along the way.

"If you want to get to the bank before it closes then we better leave..." He turned, pulled open the front door and headed down the hallway to the main entrance and his truck, leaving a confused Andy rooted to the spot in the middle of the room.

Andy found Sam sat behind the driver's seat of his truck, with the engine running. She pulled open the passenger side door – but made no attempt to climb in, she simply stood with her arms crossed and stared at him waiting for him to acknowledge her. She stood there in the freezing cold for about five minutes before he actually turned around to look at her – she tried to read his expression, and cursed under her breath – he was too damn good at covering up his emotions, and his guard was up now – there was no way he was letting her in. "Sam, I...You know that's not what I meant...I need you to let me deal with this in my own way. I'm not like you; I can't just act like I don't care about how much trouble we could get into!"

"Which bank are we going to?"

"Oh my god you're impossible!"

"Just get in the truck McNally."

"No."

"Andy..."

"You need to listen to me! I can't change the person I am...I'm still going to be me, but that doesn't change how I feel about you!"

"Andy, get in the truck."

Andy attempted to out-stare him, but gave up after a few more minutes – realising that she could no longer feel her toes, and climbed up into the passenger seat. Sam pulled the truck out in traffic, and glanced over at her in the passenger seat staring straight ahead. He turned his focus back to the road, and attempted to ease the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach by gripping the steering wheel a lot harder than he needed to. "Where we headed?"

"TD, the one downtown."

Sam chanced one more look at his passenger, but she was still staring dead ahead and refusing to look at him. He shook his head slightly – more at the ridiculousness of their new situation than anything else. He resolved that this situation – right now, was not his fault. She had said she wanted to do this; he was merely calling her on it.

They travelled the rest of the 40 minute drive downtown in complete silence, and the longer it went on the harder it was for either of them to think of anything to say. Sam pulled up outside Andy's destination, and turned to speak to her but she was out of the car and had shut the door before he had a chance – stalking into the bank without a backward glance. He didn't try to go after her - he knew he didn't want to leave things the way they were, but he also didn't know what to say to her – he hadn't changed his mind. He sat outside the bank for twenty minutes racking his brains trying to think of something to say to make her understand where he was coming from, but nothing came. He reluctantly put his truck back into drive and started his journey home.


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

Sam slowly opened an eye in an attempt to figure out where the banging was coming from. There were several problems with falling asleep on your couch after demolishing half a bottle of whiskey, the ones plaguing him at this precise moment being that you wake up being not quite aware of where you are, what is going on...or at this point, he wasn't even completely sure who he was. It took about five minutes for him to realise that the banging was not coming from his throbbing/exploding head, and that there was someone at the front door...his front door, and they were showing absolutely no signs of leaving him alone. Sam slowly manoeuvred himself off the couch and shuffled towards the front door, opening it harshly with a scowl – which quickly turned into a scowling squint when the bright morning sunlight attacked his eyes.

"Oooosh...man that is not good! You look like hell"

"Oliver."

"Care to invite a friend in...I've brought breakfast."

Sam narrowed his eyes in suspicion at his uniformed friend that was currently darkening his porch. "Don't you have work to do?"

"I can't work on an empty stomach – you know that." Oliver pushed past his friend, and made his way to the kitchen – putting on some fresh coffee and unpacking his breakfast donuts. Sam didn't have the energy to argue, so left him to his own devices and took refuge back on his couch – swallowing a few pain killers in the hope that it would rid him of at least one of the pains that insisted on loitering with him this morning. "So...you and McNally?" Oliver mumbled through his donuts, as he made his way through into Sam's living room and perched himself on the coffee table so he could talk to his friend.

"So...?"

"So... – didn't see that one coming...not at all...complete surprise. I think we're all in a state of shock..." Oliver gave his friend a knowing smirk, and took another bite of his donut.

"You're an ass."

"Merely stating a fact my friend...So what's with this?" Oliver reached down and picked up Sam's discarded whiskey bottle and waved it around in front of his face. "You're supposed to be taking it easy – not drinking yourself into a stupor – should I be concerned? Do I need to stage an intervention?"

Sam shifted uncomfortably, and avoided Oliver's pointed look – choosing instead to try and divert the conversation. "How are Zoe and the girls?"

"I asked first."

"What?"

"I know a deflection when I see one. You and McNally have been working together too long – it's almost too hard to tell you apart. She was in even more of a fowler mood than you this morning, and I could barely get a word out of her...I had to get Nash to translate her mumblings." Oliver gave himself an imaginary pat on the back at Sam's piqued interest - he could read him like a book. Sam felt his stomach churn, and a pang of something he couldn't quite identify listening to Oliver talk about her. He missed her. He missed her ridiculously, and it hadn't even been twenty four hours yet – he was in serious trouble.

"You've seen Andy?"

"Yep." Oliver reached for another donut off his plate, and waved the remaining ones under Sam's nose – which he irritably brushed away.

"She ok?"

"Don't even think about it."

"What?"

"You guys cannot see each other right? You need to keep your noses clean – it's gonna be a while before this thing blows over."

Sam groaned and rolled his eyes at the glare currently being levelled at him from across his living room. "What?"

"I'm being serious Sammy...if not for your sake, then for hers. Suspended within her first 2 years on the job – it's not gonna look good. She needs to be careful – you both do."

"She's a great cop."

"That's not the point."

*Ok – I already have a headache...did you come here for any particular reason this morning, or was it just to torment me?"

"Well my friend, I just thought you might take some comfort in the fact that she is also feeling this, and is just as miserable as you – that, and also the shirts want to go over some parts of your statement with you again this afternoon, and I thought I should pre-warn you that I overheard Frank talking about a psych assessment – standard procedure, you know how these things go – someone attempts to kill you and they think it will do you good to rehash it all and talk it out."

"I'm so glad you woke me to tell me that – they would've probably called me you know."

"They tried – no answer on your cell, which is why they sent me over here – it's by your coffee machine in case you were wondering, and again I'm going to say to you – you can't contact her."

"What..."

"I think she may have tried to call you a few times...there's like 20 missed calls on your display, 3 from the station – 2 from me, 2 from Sarah and the rest are from McNally."

"You checked my phone?"

"It was in plain view."

Sam clenched his jaw, and attempted to quieten his overwhelming urge to hit something. Oliver sensed the change in atmosphere, and decided it was best to opt with a change a subject. "Anyways, Zoe wants you to come over for dinner tonight – she's worried you're not looking after yourself. Shall I tell her you'll be by at 8?"

"I don't think..."

"I'm not asking. Just tell me what time you'll be there."

"I can't."

"What do you mean you can't – where are you going?"

"Nowhere...I ju..."

"Then it's settled – dinner with the Shaw's – 8pm, don't be late."

"Ok, Oliver – in case you hadn't noticed – I'm not the best company right now. I don't want to scare the girls, and as nice an offer as it is..."

"You'd rather drown your sorrows in whiskey by yourself all night...?"

"No...I..."

"Like I said...not asking. If you not at my place by 8 I will come looking for you. That being said, I have to go. I'll see you later – and I can see myself out, you stay put...and get some rest." Sam nodded his head in acknowledgment, waited until he heard Oliver shut his front door and pull the car out of his drive, and then made a beeline straight for his kitchen and his phone.

**...**

Sam scrolled through the missed calls and messages one by one – skipping through every message except the ones from Andy – unable to stop a ghost of a smile appearing as soon as he heard her voice.

"Hey...It's me – Andy...obviously. Um...ok, I just...I'm at Traci's. I wasn't sure if you would want to see me so...I really think we need to talk – can you call me when you get this? Ok – I'll speak to you soon. Bye."

"Hi – it's me. Just thought I would try and get you again, but I guess you're busy. Ok – well, I have my phone so just call me back when you have a chance. Ok – bye."

"Hey, was trying third time lucky...anyways, I hope you're having a good night and...yeah...ummm...call me back. Ok – hopefully speak to you soon. Bye."

Several missed calls later...

"Hey...*sigh*...I'm sorry. Ok, Sam...I know you're mad at me. I'm not even sure what happened...I just...I don't want to fight with you. Will you please just call me so we can work this thing out...please – I miss you."

"Sam...Hi. Ok – if you don't want to talk to me then that's fine, well not – but it's not like I can force you so...will you please just let me know you're ok. If you don't want to call me then just send a text – I won't stalker call you back – I'm just worried about you. Ok...bye."

Sam hung up the phone and instinctively pressed in his speed dial – voicemail. "Hey, It's Andy...I can't get to the phone right now, but leave me a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

"McNally...Andy...I just picked up your messages...I...um...ok, If you pick this up before lunch and you still want to talk I'm at home – just come by, or call – whatever. I have to go down to the station this afternoon, and Oliver is insisting I have dinner at his place later – but, I'll have my phone so...yeah, just let me know...and I'm not mad at you." Sam notched the volume up to loud on his ringer, and slotted his phone into his back pocket – there was no way he was missing her when she called back.

**...**

Sam had excused himself from the Shaw household by 11 – despite their insistences that he could take up residence in their spare room. He had been battling the after effects of last nights' alcohol intake all day, and he really just wanted to go home and go to bed. He pulled up in his driveway, and pulled his phone from his back pocket – the screen was blank – no missed calls, no messages, and felt his disappointment twinge. He tried calling her again, but it went straight to voicemail so he didn't leave another message. He didn't notice the huddled up bundle of coat, scarf and hat on his porch until he was half way up the drive – but he picked up his pace as soon as he did, finding himself looking down at a snoozing, probably hypothermia suffering Andy. He stepped over her to unlock his front door and then returned no later than a few seconds later lifting her up in his arms and carried her through the hallway and up the stairs laying her down on his bed, and gently lifting her head to pull off her hat. He brushed her hair off her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before she began to stir.

"Sam...?"

"No...It's a crazy axe murderer who has just collected you off my front porch. What were you doing McNally – it's freezing outside."

"I wanted to see you."

"Your eyes are still closed."

Andy prized open one of her eyes, and smiled up at him. "Hi." She reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers, gripping his jacket and pulling him towards her with the other, kissing him gently in greeting.

"Hi. You should've called – how long have you been sat out there? Its sub zero temperatures out there tonight"

"I missed you." Andy reached her other hand towards Sam's face and lightly traced her fingers along his stubbled jaw line. She had, even though she had tried not to...it was almost like a physical ache that had only eased now that she was able to see and touch him. Sam felt his heart twinge at that statement, and the sincerity of it that he could see written plainly across her face. He allowed her to pull him closer, nudged his nose against hers and leaned into her enough so that his lips ghosted across hers before pulling away from her and pushing himself off his bed. He knew that they should talk, that they needed to clear the air – but right now he felt too exhausted, and the only thing he wanted was sleep. Sleep and to have Andy curled up next to him, and for her to still be there the following morning. He pulled an old t –shirt out of the set of drawers in the corner of his room and passed it to Andy with a small smile.

"Make yourself comfortable – I'm just grabbing a shower."

Andy returned his smile, took the offered t-shirt and began to strip off her winter layers, while watching Sam head towards the bedroom door with a towel. "Sam...?"

"Yeah"

"We're ok right?"

He turned around to answer her, but for a second couldn't find any words. She was looking at him with those huge brown eyes of hers, that were displaying such vulnerability and emotion – and he really wanted to promise her the earth. Perhaps, given time and if he had the confidence and sure footing of knowing how this was going to pan out he would, but for now he went with the best he could – offering her a quick re-assuring smile. "We'll deal with it...figure it out. I'm not saying this is gonna be simple, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I don't want rid of you."

"Then we're good..." He flashed his dimples at her in confirmation, and made his way down the hall with the hope he would return to bed with a McNally snuggled under his duvet.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Andy finished off the last of her water, rinsed the glass and placed it on the drier. She wasn't impressed with this current bout of insomnia...she was exhausted, but it didn't matter how many positions she tried to curl up in sleep wouldn't come. She had been content just to lay next to Sam for a while and watch him sleep, but the tired aches in her muscles kept on insisting on her moving around and she didn't want to wake him so had reluctantly left the comfort of his arms and set up camp in his kitchen. She huffed out an exasperated sigh, and moved her search for rest and relaxation into the living room, switching on the big screen TV and muting the sound. She channel surfed for a while, but must have eventually fallen asleep after about an hour of mindlessly flicking through the soundless pictures that were on offer at 3.30 in the morning. At least that was the conclusion she came to when her eyes flew open after a horrendous crash coming from above her head about 30 minutes later. She pushed herself off the sofa and took the stairs two at a time, flying back into Sam's room and panicked slightly when she couldn't immediately see him.

"Sam...?Sam are you..." her question died on her lips as she circled around to his side of the bed and found him crouched over and picking up the pieces of his broken bedside lamp. She knelt down beside him and placed a gentle hand on his arm, but he pulled away from her and busied himself with collecting the pieces that had landed in the opposite direction to where she was. "Sam?...Hey?...Sam are you ok?"

Andy reached for his arm again and pulled on it slightly in an attempt to get him to look at her, which eventually worked – he offered her a shaky smile, that didn't even come close to registering anywhere on the scale of being ok, but those were the words he offered her. "I'm fine – better than this." He lifted up the pieces of his broken furniture to illustrate his point, but dropped his hands no more than seconds later when he realised that he was actually shaking. His heart was still painfully hammering against his ribcage – and he could swear that it actually felt like his lungs were still on fire every time he tried to take a breath.

"Sam..." Andy attempted to pull him closer to her, but he wouldn't let her. He would have gotten up to his feet and walked away if he felt like he could trust his legs to carry him, but he wasn't sure if he would make it to the door.

"Don't...ok, I'm fine...I just need to clear this up." Andy raised an eyebrow at him in a silent question, and he chose to avoid her gaze and the implication. "Can you do me a favour and grab a bin liner from the kitchen?"

"I think the lamp can wait."

"McNally...I..."

"Let me help..."

"Bin liner?...kitchen...? second drawer on the left – that's helping."

"You know what I mean."

"Andy – please...will you please just..." Sam didn't trust himself to speak, and even if he did he had no idea what he was trying to say – he could hear a tremor in his voice, and he was pretty sure it was noticeable enough for Andy to pick up. His eyes agitatedly swept the floor looking for more pieces of broken furniture, and studiously avoided her gaze – if he gave in and reached for her now he was pretty sure he would never let her go, and his newfound inability to sleep for a single night without reliving some form of near death experience wasn't something she needed to deal with.

For a minute Andy wasn't completely sure what to do with herself, she was pretty sure he had just spent some untamed time with his subconscious and the horror that was Jamie Brennan. She didn't know how best to handle the situation – she wanted to help, and she really didn't want to accept him attempting to pretend that he was fine – but she didn't know if that was the best thing to do. She didn't think it would be too healthy for either of them if she pushed him. She eventually decided to take the patient route - she silently sat down on the floor opposite him and waited; either for him to leave the room and dispose of the scraps of his lamp he had gathered, or for him to open up to her – whichever came first. She had no plans for the next few months – she could wait as long as he needed her to. She watched him search the floor for non-existent shards of wood, drop the remnants of his lamp in a heap in the corner of the room and slump down to a seated position on his hardwood floor with his back to her before she attempted to reach for him again. She shuffled and scooted closer to him along the floor, and wrapped her arms around him from behind – placing gentle kisses along his shoulder blade. She felt him stiffen from her touch, but he didn't pull away – so she held onto him a little tighter, attempting to silently re-assure him. Sam took hold of one of her hands and twisted towards her – pulling her on to his lap and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist, burying his head under her chin and kissing her neck, before letting go of a shaky breath. Andy wrapped her arms around him again, using one hand to attempt to massage soothing circles between his shoulder blades and the other tangling in his hair and holding him close to her. She didn't know what to say, had no idea how to make him talk to her – so she didn't try, thankful at least that he was reaching out for her. They sat wrapped up together, neither one speaking, for several minutes. Andy slowly felt him relax against her, his breathing deep and steady and fingers slowly release the death grip they had on her hips. She pulled back from him slightly, kissing his temple and was finally able to establish some unwavering eye contact with him. His face still wore a slightly haunted expression, but he gave her a small smile of reassurance anyway.

"Sam...I know you don't want to talk about it...but..."

"Don't Andy...ok? Please? I know...I know, and I will...just not now." Sam looked away from the concern plainly displayed on her face, and back to his broken bedside lamp in the corner of the room. Andy placed a hand on either side of his face, and forced him to look back at her.

"Ok – fine, just...whenever you're ready. Whenever you want to...or need to...you have me, ok?"

Sam didn't answer her, but reached up and tangled his hand in her hair – his dark eyes levelling an intense stare at her, the same kind of look that had taken her breath away from her before, and pulled her closer to him again, kissing her fiercely. Fiercely and desperately, and he attempted to pour everything into that kiss – how much he treasured her, needed her, loved her. He eventually let her pull away from him to catch her breath, but glanced up at her in a confused frown when she pulled completely out of his grip and stood up.

She smiled shakily down at him, her eyes damp and reached out her hand in an indication that she wanted him to follow her – she wasn't sure she would be able to speak past the emotion blocking her vocal chords so didn't try. She helped him to his feet, only to nudge him backwards – pushing gently against his chest until his knees met the back of his mattress – forcing him to sit down. She nudged his shoulders – indicating that she needed him to scoot further up the bed, which he did and she followed – shuffling around, and eventually she straddled him – pinning him down and leaned over him kissing him gently on his lips once and he reached for her – placing a palm on either thigh, and gripping her long legs tightly with his fingers to keep her exactly where she was.

"Andy...I..." She stopped him talking with another kiss, a deeper one this time...before she pulled away to look down at him again, a mischievous twinkle in her gaze. The beginnings of a smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, and he released the grip he had on one of her thighs – reaching up and wrapping his fingers around the back of her neck, massaging slightly and pulling her back down to him. She allowed him to pull her lips briefly back to his, but pulled back to kiss him sweetly on his cheek – just below the cut that was still healing, and then whisper in his ear.

"We're exorcising the evil spirits from this bed – I promise you will smile next time you think about the last thing that happened between these sheets."

**A/N...**

**For those of you out there that have been waiting for an update for this story...ta dah! I'm soooo sorry to keep you waiting, and I hope you will still read and enjoy – I promise I haven't forgotten about it – and I will finish it – eventually! Please bear with me, and I hope you like. Please review...please, please, please! I'm a feedback junkie – and although I probably don't deserve them after making you wait for so long – you would make me a very happy bunny! **


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Andy scrunched her eyes closed and issued a mumbled grown at the sunlight persisting on shining directly onto her face. She took a deep breath in through her nose in preparation of issuing a sigh that would have told the daylight exactly what she thought of it, but was unable to withhold a smile as the smell of freshly brewed coffee assaulted her senses...good, really good freshly brewed coffee...and food. She felt the bed dip next to her, and opened an eye peering suspiciously up at the dimpled grin smiling back at her.

"Good Morning McNally." He leaned forward, kissing her once briefly in greeting before balancing a tray displaying a concoction of breakfast marvels precariously on her hip and placing her fresh mug of coffee on the bedside table with a flourish.

She reached out to steady the tray and shift her position under the duvet so that it balanced on her lap. "You made breakfast?" She had to bite back a grin at the cocky raised eyebrow that was her only response from him. "You didn't even just make breakfast...you brought me breakfast in bed...really?" It wasn't really a question...more of a statement of disbelief.

"Ouch! I seem to remember a conversation we've had before where I already told you I cook! I'm a little wounded by what you're implying!"

She rolled her eyes good naturedly at his response, reaching for a piece of toasted bagel from one of the plates and taking a bite. "How long have you been up? – this looks like a marathon kitchen session." Andy waved her hand over the food in front of her with a raised eyebrow...she tried to keep her question light, but her concern was still there.

"Well I heard a rumour you were used to guys bringing you juice in bed – thought I better up my game." It was a deflection – he knew what she was really asking him, and she knew that he knew, but she let it slide. He would talk to her when he was ready.

"That is true...JD never cooked for me."

"Like I said...upped my game McNally...also thought you may have worked up quite an appetite last night, and I'm nothing but a gentleman – it only seemed fair of me to replenish your energy supplies!"

Andy's eyes grew wide in mock horror and she attempted to swipe a light punch at Sam's shoulder as he stole and bit down on a rasher of bacon from her plate. He crawled over her legs, shuffling up the bed until he was laid out beside her. "Oh yeah...ever the gentleman, I didn't hear you complaining!"

"I'm still not...I'm quite happy for you to do it again." He winked at her, and grinned widely at the blush creeping in to her cheeks. She tried to scowl at him, tried really, really hard to – but soon realised that she was fighting a losing battle and his dimples were always going to win out. She really didn't stand a chance when he was laid out next to her bare chested with his sleep pants hung low, mussed up hair (possibly from sleep – possibly from her tangling her hands through it numerous times in the early morning hours – either way it was stuck out at the most ridiculous angles) and unshaven. She had no idea how it was even possible for him to look that good to her first thing in the morning, but he definitely did. She tried to hold back on a wide smile, but it made itself known anyway.

"Is this how it's going to be? Just so I know...me trying to...and you getting all cocky and pleased with yourself?"

"You trying to what?" He quirked an eyebrow at her again – eyes twinkling. "Seduce me? Take advantage of my fragile and vulnerable state to satisfy your irresistible burning desire to get naked with me?"

"Sam!" She wouldn't have said that it was any possible for his grin to get any wider if she hadn't just witnessed it with her own eyes. His eyes danced with humour as she swatted her hand at his shoulder again in reprisal - deciding that he was enjoying this conversation far too much. "I'm not quite sure seduce is the right word, and from what I remember you didn't exactly need much convincing."

"Just for the record – I'm never going to need 'convincing' to do _that_ with you."

"Well thank you for clarifying that for me."

"You're welcome. I am going to jump in the shower – you finish the delights of your breakfast tray, and get ready to go out."

"What? Where am I going?"

"We. We McNally are going out."

"Going out where?"

"That would be telling. Eat." Sam pointed at her breakfast, and made a move to get up from his current position until Andy grabbed his hand to stop him from moving. He looked back at her to see her staring at him with very thinly veiled anticipation. He was also pretty sure he could peg a little bit of excitement in there too, and his heart stuttered a little bit – she was just too damn adorable.

"Are you taking me out on a date Sam Swarek? I have ways of making you talk."

Sam bit down on the inside of his cheek to stop another smile from breaking out. "Moaning doesn't constitute talking...and you're not finding out anything until we get there – eat your damn breakfast."

* * *

><p>Sam pulled the truck up in between the rows of parked cars in the centre of the street, shifted it into park – and gripped onto the steering wheel, blowing out a deep breath in an effort to still the nervous energy flowing through him. He had no idea what was wrong with him – he didn't do nervous, but Andy's growing levels of excited ramblings on the drive here had somehow planted a butterfly farm somewhere deep in the pit of his stomach – and he was sure they were breeding. He had just wanted to plan something different for them to do, and he needed something else to occupy his mind this morning while she was sleeping – something else other than how tempting it would have been to wake her again for round four. "Don't get too excited ok? It's really not that big a deal..." He chanced a glance at her out of the corner of his eye, and pressed his lips together to stop himself from laughing. The one thing cuter than an excited Andy McNally was an Andy McNally who was blatantly excited, but trying desperately to hide it behind a miserably failing attempt at a serious face. "You really need to work on that."<p>

"What? I'm happy – bite me!" she stopped battling with her toothy grin, and flashed the full force of it at Sam – earning a small chuckle and a small shake of his head in return. She reached out her hand and wrapped her fingers around the collar of his leather jacket, pulling him to her and placing a big wet soppy kiss on his cheek, pulling a small soft laugh from him in the process. She looked up at him again through her eyelashes, and attempted to extend her grin even wider – which earned her an eye roll before he untangled her fingers from his collar, reached out to pull her woolly hat down over her eyes and nudged her back towards the passenger side door.

"Ok – C'mon goofy – out the truck."

* * *

><p>Andy leaned back into the passenger seat, and plonked her feet (snow boots and all) up on the dashboard of Sam's truck. The sound of her boots meeting harshly with the interior of the cab brought her pointed look and a raised eyebrow from the driver's side and she sheepishly took her feet down. She fastened her seat belt and pulled off her boots, shifting around in her seat to lean back against the passenger door and stretched her legs out along the seat to Sam – nudging his thigh with her toes. He pulled the truck out into the traffic, before taking one hand off the wheel and resting it on her right ankle – fingers tucking underneath the material of her skinny jeans and massaging her warm skin gently.<p>

"Thank you."

Sam glanced over to her, and gave her ankle a slightly firmer squeeze. "For what?"

Andy shrugged her shoulder's to try and take the seriousness out of the words she wanted to say. "Everything."

"That's a lot of stuff McNally."

"I know." She was pretty sure that she had just had one of the best first dates ever – and she knows really that she shouldn't be surprised at how well he knows her, she does really know that already – but it was the little things that surprised her. Things that he remembered that she is sure she may have only mentioned once in passing. Today was just one big example of those little things – he remembered how she may have mentioned she has a secret desire for her life to somehow resemble an old black and white romance movie – just for one day filled with old romantic cliché's, which is why he drove her all the way across the city to a small independent movie theatre with a double bill of Casablanca and some other black and white classic showing at 10am, followed by hot chocolate from her favourite place – snuggled up by their open fire. He even took her skating in the park – something she never thought she would see was Sam Swarek on ice skates – he was actually kind of good, despite the fact she spent the whole entire hour worrying that he was going to trip and fall or do something else equally horrible and aggravate one of his injuries. He had even agreed to her pulling him along for an 'afternoon stroll' in the biting November wind down by the lake (suggested by her mainly because she didn't realise quite how ridiculously cold it would be with no shelter from the wind chill – and also because she thought it would be romantic to be out walking in the freezing sunshine and being able to snuggle up to Sam to keep warm at the same time). He had removed her from the lake before she turned into an icicle and taken them for dinner at his favourite Italian - an unassuming, small corner restaurant which Andy had never been to before – but with one taste of the most amazing cannelloni ever was promising to return to very, very soon. The restaurant had been followed by a trip to the comedy club downtown – because he had declared that they could both use a laugh, and Andy had used his exit to the washroom as an opportunity to run into the comedy store next door and pick him up a joke book (which was stashed stealthily in her bag, and she was planning on giving it to him when they got back to his place). He may have attempted to play it down like today really wasn't a big deal, but to her now it really kind of was. He had knocked her sideways a little bit, and the more she thought about it the more she realised exactly what she had found – and how much her fear of being hurt had led to her missing out on.

Sam pulled his truck onto his driveway, turned off the ignition – and shifted in his seat - turning and offering Andy a slight smile. He had felt her eyes on him for the whole entire drive home, and she had barely said two words since they got in the truck – silent Andy unnerved him. He had become too accustomed to the constant stream of conscious words piling out of her mouth, and although he could still read her pretty well, quiet Andy was still something he wasn't used to. "You ok?"

"Yeah...I just...I'm sorry."

Sam's brow furrowed in confusion – now she had completely thrown him. "For what?"

"Being an idiot."

Sam's confused gaze studied her features for a couple of silent seconds (which actually felt more like minutes) to try and find some kind of clue to what she was referring to – but there was nothing. "Andy, you're gonna have to..."

Andy unbuckled her seatbelt in one swift movement, and crawled along her seat pulling Sam to her and silencing his question with an urgent, hot and searing kiss. It took a minute for him to catch up, but only a minute, before he reached for her – one hand around the back of her neck and the other one reached for her hip – he used both to pull her closer. When she finally broke the kiss they were both a little breathless – but a question was still evident in Sam's darkened eyes. She wasn't sure if he was still questioning their conversation or why she was pulling back from him, but she told him anyway. "I'm an idiot. I made a mistake – I picked the wrong guy. It should've always been you."

**A/N...I know this chapter is smushy, gooey and fluffy...but I couldn't resist. I have written enough drama for this story so far and I just wanted a chapter of McSwarek cuteness! Anyways...hope you enjoy, and I will back with another update as soon as I can! Xx **


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Ok...what do you call a man walking a lonesome path through a cemetery?"

"Sam..." Andy's voice displayed a playful edge of exasperation, as she peered up at him from her current position snuggled up against his chest, resting her chin on her hand.

"What? You bought it...I'm merely making the most of your extremely thoughtful gift..." He grinned down at her, and she took the bait.

"Ok fine – what do you call a man walking a lonesome path through a cemetery?"

"Max Bygraves...get it...by...graves..."

Andy groaned and let her head collapse onto his chest, and he chuckled at her response. He just about picked up on a muffled "That's even worse than hambulance," from his shirt.

"Hey! Careful McNally – this was your purchase..."

"Well I didn't exactly have a lot of time to browse the collection...can we please stop now."

"You mean you're not enjoying this...?" Sam attempted a wounded expression, but didn't get very far – he couldn't stop the smile pulling at the corners of his mouth when she raised a pointed eyebrow in his direction. "Ok...fine, we can save joke night for another time." He closed the book, and stretched around her to put it on his coffee table. "What do you want to do?"

"Talk..."

"Ok..." Sam allowed the silence to hang in the air between them for at least five minutes before he raised a questioning eyebrow in her direction. "You know for us to talk you actually have to speak right?"

"I was thinking maybe more that you could talk, and I could listen."

"What? About what?"

"Anything...anything you want to talk about – doesn't matter." Andy attempted to answer him with a look of neutrality on her face – but she was done waiting for him to decide to talk to her. He hadn't slept properly for the past four nights – that she knew, and she was just getting more and more worried

"Andy..." Sam's voice had a warning edge to it, and she didn't respond straight away – she looked up at him and attempted a smile of reassurance before reaching for his hand and interlacing their fingers – using her other hand to push herself up into a sitting position.

"It'll help."

He ran his tongue over his teeth in agitation and let out a harsh breath, before meeting her gaze again. "It doesn't and it won't – don't...I'm not doing this now."

"Sam..."

"Let it go."

Andy stifled a sigh of frustration, and arched an eyebrow of question in his direction. Her reply was a lot more composed than what she thought it might be, despite the rising levels of frustration and agitation that were starting to take grip. "Why won't you talk to me? I want to help."

Sam matched her pointed eyebrow with one of his own. "I am talking to you – I'm completely fine with talking to you, but we are not talking about Brennan."

"Ok – then let's talk about Boyd."

"What?"

"We don't have to talk about Brennan – but you have to start to talk about what happened at some point."

"Why?"

"Because ignoring it doesn't mean that it didn't happen." Andy let her frustration get the better of her, but she felt a small pang of something like regret when she saw anger flash in his eyes – she didn't want to upset him – that wasn't what she was trying to do – but she couldn't exactly take it back now. He pulled his hand out of her grasp, and pushed himself off the couch – picking up their discarded glasses from his coffee table and stalking back towards the kitchen. She heard him crashing around with their dinner dishes and slamming the dishwasher shut before she pushed herself onto her feet and followed apprehensively in his footsteps. "Sam..."

She found him bracing himself with his arms on the counter by the sink, but he didn't turn around to look at her and she tried again. "Sam? I...". Her words died on her lips as he turned around to look at her, a defeated expression on his face – but his eyes were hard, his jaw and his stance was tense. She knew she was going to have work this one carefully.

"What? What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me..."

A bitter smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, and he rolled his eyes at her. "That's kind of the point isn't it – I don't want to tell you, but you can't let it go."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you want to tell me?"

"Nothing good is going to come out of this – you do realise that right?"

"Sam...I..."

"What do you want to hear? – what can I say to you to make you let this go?"

Andy stopped walking towards him and stood completely still – she tried to read his expression, tried to get a handle on what was happening in front of her – but the only thing she got was anger, and he wasn't letting her see any further than that. His words were given to her with a biting harshness and she was starting to regret trying to initiate this conversation. She tried to think of something to say to take the harshness out of his glare, but her head failed her...the words wouldn't materialise. "I just..."

"You want to know how scared I was...desperate? panicked? Fucking terrified out of my mind...is that what you want to hear?" He clenched his jaw in an attempt to try and hold back on the anger – it wasn't her fault, he knew he wasn't angry at her – nowhere near actually, but she had just had to keep poking at him. Andy returned his stare, but her mind still refused to formulate words – she wanted to say something, opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn't come so instead she stepped forward again and reached for him – wanting to make him understand that she just wanted him to let her care – but he stepped away from her grasp.

"How about the fact that I thought I was gonna die...actually believed it for a while. I think half of me already thought I was dead after he poured the tenth gallon of water into my lungs."

Andy's eyes widened – and her breath caught in her throat. She didn't know about the water-boarding, he hadn't told her about that before – and she suddenly felt like she was having problems breathing herself. Sam allowed a biting bark of laughter to escape him – he wasn't truly seeing her standing in front of him anymore – not really, just staring through her – the words falling from his mouth without him even realising what he was saying.

"The stupid thing is...that wasn't even the worse part. Do you want to know what the worst part was? You wanted me talk about it right? I'm pretty sure the thing that scared me the most was knowing that he'd seen you – and having no idea where you were, what had happened to you. The thought that he could have done the same or worse to you scared me ten times more than any of the shit other shit he pulled on me."

"Sam..."

"What? What else do you want to know? The gun he pulled...the strangle hold he had on me...do you want more hammer details? What do you want McNally...what else do you want to know? I'm an open book right here...You think I'm pretending it didn't happen?"

"I think you're trying to."

"Would you rather I curled into a ball and rocked back and forth in the corner of a room?"

"No! Sam...I know its hard ok...I just..."

"Don't ok – just don't. I know you're trying to help me with this, but I just can't...ok...I can't deal with this the way you want me to."

Sam picked up his keys, turned and walked out the back door and to his truck. He had no idea where he was going – he just had to get out of the house before he said something he would regret, so he pulled himself up into his truck and drove – without a destination in mind, and left Andy rooted to the spot on his kitchen floor.

* * *

><p>Sam didn't come home for three hours – he hadn't been anywhere in particular, hadn't stopped anywhere – just drove. He kept driving until the shaking stopped, and until the thoughts running through his head returned to normal processing speed – he kept driving even past that – up to the point when the guilt over the way he had spoken to Andy kicked in, and forced him to go back. He wasn't really expecting her to be there when he got home – was almost expecting her to have packed up her bag, and trekked back to Traci's – and he wasn't sure whether that is what he hoped for or wanted. He knew he didn't want her to leave – that he still wanted her to be there, but part of him didn't want to have to deal with anymore – he just wanted to sleep.<p>

He pushed open the front door as quietly as he could – just in case she was sleeping, and came face to face with her big brown tear induced red rimmed eyes from her curled up spot half way up his staircase – and a large amount of guilt twanged his heartstrings heavily. The whole point of not wanting to talk to her about it was because he didn't want to upset her – he was doing fantastically well at that so far. "Hey."

"Feel better?" She raised a pointed eyebrow in his direction – which accentuated the tear stains on her cheeks.

"Andy...I..."

"Just for the record – you weren't the only person affected by all this crap you know. You may have been stuck at a cabin with that psychopath but I didn't exactly have the best 48 hours of my life trying to find you." She didn't wait for him to respond – she just pulled herself up from her seated position and padded up the stairs and into his spare room – slamming the door behind her. He wanted to stop her – say something to make her understand, but the words didn't make it past his lips in time – he just watched her leave, inwardly cursed himself and made his own way up the stairs – stopping outside his spare room and knocking lightly on the door. There was no way he was going to sleep on this – otherwise she really would be gone when he woke up.

"McNally? Andy?" He heard a muffled _'Go away'_ through the door, and chose to ignore it – pushing the door open anyway, and found her curled up in a ball in the middle of the bed – with her back facing him. He leaned up against the door – pinched the bridge of his nose in an attempt to make his brain function past the headache which had appeared within the past couple of hours and took a deep breath. "Andy I didn't mean for..."

"I thought I told you to go away."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" She was still facing away from him, and Sam battled the urge to reach out to her and make her look at him.

"A lot of things...This situation. ...this ridiculous mess...tonight. All of it...I didn't mean to..."

"Me?"

"What?"

"Are you sorry you met me?"

"What?" He was almost certain he hadn't heard her right.

"You're life would probably have been a lot simpler right...there may not have even been a UC operation on Brennan – or if there was, you may not have taken it. There would be no suspension...no drama..."

Sam was frozen to the spot – he wanted to reach out to her, make her look at him – but he couldn't make himself move. "What are you talking about? Andy...that's...no. You're being ridiculous..."

Andy pushed herself up into a seated position, and hugged her knees – a humourless laugh escaping her, which cracked Sam's heart a little bit – and she turned and looked at him then – her expression empty. "Ridiculous? How am I being ridiculous?"

"How can you think that I would be sorry I met you?" Sam's defences automatically riled – despite his attempts to keep them at bay, and his words came out sounding harsher than intended.

"What are we doing?"

"What do you mean 'what are we doing'? Andy – if this is you looking for an out again then you don't have to do this – I'm not forcing you to be here...if you want to leave, just leave."

"What do you mean me?! You're the one who is making this difficult – all I'm trying to do is care about you!" Andy angrily swiped away a stray tear, and levelled a glare at Sam – daring him to disagree with her.

"And you think I don't care about you?"

"That's not what I said..."

"You said you think I regret meeting you – that's more or less the same thing!"

"No...I asked if you did – there's a difference."

"Why would you even need to ask me that?" Sam's guard slipped for a second, the hurt in his question evident in his voice and eyes for just a second – but it was long enough to register with Andy – and it dislodged some of her pent up anger and disbelief just enough to soften her own glare slightly, and the next words she uttered came out a lot softer than originally planned.

"I'm trying...ok, I'm trying really, really hard to be here for you – and to care about you, but I need you to let me. I need you to let me in...You don't need to deal with any of this on your own. I know you don't find it easy – but I need you to try. If this is ever going to work we both need to try...Sam?"

"I...Andy, I'm good at a lot of things...talking things out – not so much."

"I'm just asking you to try – without taking off."

"You know they're gonna be sending me to a shrink for that...I don't want to involve you – not because I don't care about you, or trust you...or any of those things, but because you have already been through enough. We have both had our fair share of drama in the past few weeks, and I just don't want it hanging over us. I'm sorry – I'm sorry if I ever made you think for one second that it was anything else...and I'm sorry if I've kept you awake, I know I haven't been the most peaceful bed buddy lately..." He offered her a small smile in way of a truce, and hoped that she would accept his explanation as a peace offering.

"Sam...I don't care about the sleeping...I just..."

Sam held up his hands in a silent plea for her to stop talking, and reached forward pulling her up, off the bed and toe to toe with him in one movement. "I wasn't finished...I want this, us...me and you. You have to know that I..." He didn't get the chance to finish his sentence before Andy reached up and pulled him towards her until her lips met his – choosing to show her agreement with what he was trying to say with actions rather than words. When she eventually let go of him, he smiled softly at her again – briefly flashing his dimples – before offering her a small nod of his head in agreement. "I'm always going to try with you...I want you to be happy. Sometimes I might make a mistake – I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but you have to believe that."

Andy returned his smile, and nodded her head in an affirmitive in return.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"Andy?" Sam toed off his boots, and hung his coat before following his ears and nose in search of the one thing he really wanted to see. His eyes widened in surprise at the sight that greeted him as he walked through his living room and into his kitchen – or at least what he thought used to be his kitchen – the sight before him could currently pass as a set of a mini disaster movie. There were two large pots of some kind of spicy concoction bubbling away on the hob, flour, sauce and spices all over the counter and a mound of what looked like some kind of dough – all though he was slightly dubious of what it might actually turn into. There were a few mixing containers balanced haphazardly in between the chaos, and about seven more piled up in his sink. Andy had his music system cranked up and was blaring out some kind of loud music, and he starting to wonder whether he had actually returned to the right house...Andy on the other hand, was nowhere to be seen. "McNally?"

The music was loud enough that he didn't hear her approach him from behind, and jumped a little when he felt her arms snake around his waist – but his hands automatically took hold of hers and held them against him. Andy stretched up onto her toes and placed a soft kiss on the back of his neck. "Hey...how did it go?"

"Fine...it went fine – what _are_ you doing?" He released the grip one of his hands currently had on hers and waved his hand in the direction of his kitchen counter in an indication of what he was referring to.

"Movie Theme Night." She stated simply as if those three words blatantly explained everything and loosened her grip on him slightly – shuffling around to his side, and kissing him once briefly on the cheek before padding away from him and back into the chaos. Sam's bewildered gaze followed her, his eyebrows meeting his hairline in silent question and waited for her to elaborate. A small smile inching its way into place as he took in the fact that she was clothed from top to toe in his clothes...from his grey tracksuit pants to his old worn academy t-shirt and his black zipper hooded sweater. The combination of all three were endearingly oversized on her, and the messy bun of hair piled on top of her head, the wayward streak of flour across her cheekbone and the dusting of it on the tip of her nose added an extra cuteness factor. She had told him before he left this morning that she would go back to Traci's while she was at the Station and pick up some more clothes – the fact that she was wrapped up in his told him she had never made it that far, but he didn't mind. In actual fact he would be quite happy for her to walk around in nothing else...perhaps even just the t shirt and nothing else if he was really lucky. Andy reached out for the dough-like substance and sprinkled some flour over the top before she began kneading away – her brow creased in concentration.

"Oooookay...?"

"The whole point is that the whole night has to be in theme...it's kind of the idea. We talked about this..."

"So what's the theme – Disaster movies? Armageddon?"

Andy ceased kneading and glanced back up at him through narrowing eyes – a hint of indignation evident in her voice. "No!" Her eyes widening in realisation a moment later, "You're wrist brace is gone..."

"Yeah...they took it off. Everything is setting back in line, so I don't need to wear it anymore...it's just going to take some time for me to be able to use it like I used to...seriously McNally, it looks like a disaster zone in here – what are you trying to do?"

"Will it be ok...you'll be able to use your gun again right?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders – he didn't actually want to repeat what they had said, that there were no guarantees – that he may never be able to grip enough to be able to use his gun, do his job. "They don't know yet."

"Sam..."

"It's fine...not like I can do much about it...I just – seriously, what is that supposed to be?" He had migrated into his kitchen and picked up a spoon – poking it suspiciously into one of the pots bubbling away and wrinkling his nose.

"I'm broadening your horizons..."

Sam peered back at her and levelled a suspicious look her way, narrowing his eyes and creasing his brow in accusation. "Do you even know what it is?"

Andy rolled her eyes at him and huffed out an insulted sigh. "Of course I kn...It's Mulligatawny"

"Mulliga-what?"

"Tawny...Mulligatawny."

"Oh of course...it all makes perfect sense now."

"It's an Indian soup – I opted for an Indian theme, and found these..." Andy proudly peeled two scrawled recipes away from Sam's counter and thrust them at him as if they were the holy grail, before jogging back around the counter and into his living room swiping some DVD's from the edge of the coffee table and bringing them back with her – waving them under Sam's nose. "There's a really good independent DVD rental place in the same block as your pharmacy, and I picked these up when I filled your prescription...we can have a Bollywood extravaganza." Sam looked back at her as if she had suddenly sprouted three heads. "Oh come on! It'll be fun..."

"Do I look like a person who would watch Bollywood to you?"

"You don't look like someone who would watch 'Casablanca' either, but you did...like I said – broadening your horizons...here." Andy reached around him and pulled a bottle of Tiger Beer from the refrigerator – pushing it into his chest, turning him round and pushing him out of the kitchen. "I have it all under control – you will love it. Go and relax on the couch, watch the game or something."

"Andy..."

"Go...shoo...I've got it covered – trust me."

Andy nudged him all the way over to the edge of the couch before turning on her heel and heading back to the kitchen, ignoring Sam's remark of "Do you even know how to cook something that doesn't come wrapped in plastic?" promising herself that she was going to rise to the challenge.

Sam discarded their beer bottles and the takeout boxes in his recycling, before huffing out a sigh and surveying the damage still loitering in his kitchen. Andy pulled herself up into a seated position on the edge of the only countertop not covered in left over ingredients and eyed the scene before her with caution. Sam glanced back over his shoulder at her with a raised eyebrow, "You know we could have ordered takeout from the beginning..."

"Hey! I tried! I followed the recipe – I didn't know it was going to turn out like that!"

He shook his head at her but allowed a soft chuckle to escape before walking over to the sink, and turning on the taps waiting for the hot water to emerge. Andy shimmied down from the counter edge and wrapped one arm around his waist, the other arm reaching around him and turning off the tap. "We don't have to clean up now...theme night's not done."

"I'm not watching another one of those movies..."

"You enjoyed it...admit it."

"Thoroughly...how about next time you try and do one of these things we try to stick to a theme that's a little less exotic?"

Andy wrapped her hand around his arm, and pulled him away from the sink – turning him around so he was facing her before reaching up and wrapping both her arms around his neck, leaning into him and peering up at him through her eyelashes – a mischievous smile slowly growing. "I'll clean up tomorrow – theme night is still in full swing, and trust me...you're going to love this part."

Sam automatically reached out to hold onto her, his fingers moulding onto her hips. "You said that earlier..."

"Oh I know I'm right about this part...how flexible are you feeling...?"

His only response was a growing smirk, and Andy's smile merged into a full on grin. She unwrapped herself from him and reached for one of his hands interlacing their fingers and turned around – pulling him away from the kitchen, into the hallway and up the stairs.

By the time they had managed to stumble into his bedroom he had already managed to dislodge and abandon somewhere in his house the tracksuit pants and sweater that had been hiding far too much of Andy's skin from him, and Andy's head was swimming from his touch and his kisses. She had to use every inch of self control that she had left to push him far enough away from her to catch her breath, and she reached behind him to pick up the book she had strategically placed on the bedside table and thrust it at Sam, landing it in the middle of his chest and using it to push him a little further away – as she tried really hard to catch up with herself. Sam's darkened eyes widened in surprise and raised a cocky eyebrow at her in response. "I don't need a guidebook McNally..."

She shook her head and smiled at him. "I know you don't. Theme night remember? Pick a few." She gripped hold of the book, and waved it under his nose waiting for the realisation to dawn. Sam glanced down at the cover and was unable to suppress a smile.

"Kama Sutra?"

"I told you this theme would redeem itself..."

* * *

><p>"They're not going to go away are they?" Andy allowed Sam to manoeuvre away from her grip, and buried her head in his pillow emitting a disappointed groan.<p>

Sam pulled on some clothes, and walked over to the window peering outside. "It's Oliver...I'll get rid of him – you..." he turned back to face her and smiled involuntarily, in the few minutes since he had left the bed she had managed to bury herself under his duvet – the only indication she was still there was a duvet covered mound in the middle of his mattress with some a severely messy bed head of mussed up hair poking out the top. "...you stay there, and I'll get us some coffee and toast or something for breakfast – if I can still find anything in that bomb site...Andy?" He picked up on a muffled _"mmmmhhhhmmm"_ of agreement coming from somewhere in her direction, and his smile increased in size of its own accord. He gave himself a few self indulgent seconds to drink in the sight before him, and reluctantly left her there before Oliver broke his door down.

"Sam! Sammy open up man – come on! I know you're inside – it's freezing out here." Oliver hammered relentlessly until he heard Sam fiddling with the locks on the inside of the door, and granted himself a sigh of relief. The door swung open, and Oliver stepped forward expecting to go inside – faltering slightly when Sam blocked his entrance by standing directly in his path, and only holding the door half open.

"Hey...what's up?"

Oliver eyed him suspiciously – and tried to peer over his shoulder to garner some kind of clue as to what he was trying to hide. "Nothing...well I was kind of hoping you could help me out with something...are you going to invite me in?"

"Actually I'm kind of busy so..."

Oliver nodded his head, but was in no mood to be dismissed so pushed past Sam at his door and made his way into his friends living room, leaving Sam to follow behind him allowing himself a small smile as he head him mumble something sarcastic under his breath that was along the lines of "come on in...". Sam's eyes widened comically, and his feet suddenly became rooted to the spot as he noticed the two very large duffel bags his friend had deposited in the corner of the room. When he looked up again to the couch area where Oliver was last standing he realised that he had continued walking into his kitchen, but he didn't seem able to make himself follow him. "Oliver?" He came back into view a few moments later, eyebrows raised in question.

"I was going to make some coffee...what the hell happened in there?" He raised his thumb and pointed back over his shoulder in the direction from which he had just come, and Sam's expression merged into something between a grimace and a sheepish smile.

"Just killing some time with a little bit of experimentation...what's this?" Sam gently tapped the edge of one of the bags at his feet and looked pointedly at them before looking back at his friend.

"Experimentation with what? A nuclear bomb?"

"Oliver?"

"Oh...It's..." Sam watched warily as he saw his friend inwardly debate with himself over what to say – eventually deciding to spit it out, rip off the band aid so to speak. "Zoe asked me to move out – I figured I could crash here, thought you could use the company." He offered Sam a sheepish smile, and walked further back into the living room – waiting for his response. He looked pained, and Oliver suddenly felt like he might need to do a little bit more persuading. "C'mon – it'll be like the good old days – poker, whiskey – you don't have to sit at home on your own every night pining after McNally, it'll be good for you." Oliver stopped talking and eyed his friend – something was definitely up. He had utilised Sam's spare room when he and Zoe had a fight before, and never received this kind of reception – the door was always open. The silence that had settled between the two of them was chaotically broken when there was loud crash from his kitchen. Oliver's eyes widened in surprise, and turned around just in time to see Andy emerge from the kitchen dressed in one of Sam's t shirts that's reached her mid thigh – messy bed hair still very firmly in place, clutching a pack of coffee and waving a pair of scissors in the air.

"Sorry – I was looking for these to open the..." She froze mid sentence, a blush instantly evident mingled with a wide eyed look of horror.

Oliver's eyes grew so wide it looked as though they would almost pop out of his head, and glanced back and forth between Andy and Sam with his own shocked expression several times before he actually spoke. "You have got to be kidding me. No. No, no, no, no, no, no – I did not see this, this is not..."

Sam took one look at the panic slowly emerging in Andy's expression and he knew he had to do something to fix the situation. He took a step towards Oliver, holding his palms up in a physical request for his friend to listen to him and tried desperately to think of something to say to explain this away. "Oliver – ok, listen..."

"No – no I don't want to know anything, I haven't seen anything. McNally, go and put some clothes on and I can take you home."

"Oliver..."

Oliver levelled a disbelieving glare at his friend, and rolled his eyes. "No – just stop talking. I haven't seen anything, and I'm saving the two of you from yourselves." He glanced back over at Andy, "McNally, clothes – now."

"We're not teenagers..."

Andy found the use of her feet again, turned and walked back out the way she came in – taking the stairs two at a time as soon as she reached them. She pulled on some jeans and a sweater from her folded pile of laundry before throwing her bag on Sam's bed and piling the rest of her clothes into it with shaking hands. She didn't realise Sam had followed her until he spoke, the edge in his voice freezing her to the spot.

"What are you doing?"

Andy closed her eyes, took a few shaky breaths and willed herself to keep moving. She padded back over to the corner of the room to pick up the last of clothes, and added them to the pile in her bag. "Packing."

"Andy...It's Oliver – he's not going to say anything..." Sam took a few apprehensive steps forward, and took hold of her arm, trying to stop her in her tracks. He pulled her around so she was facing him and dipped his head, trying to see her and read her expression – but she refused to meet his eyes, scrutinizing her red toe nails instead. "Andy..."

"He's right – it's probably for the best, I can't stay holed up here for the next ten weeks." She pulled herself away from his grasp, took a couple of steps backwards and turned – walking into his en suite and closing the door behind her. She couldn't look at him, she couldn't look at the expression she knew would be on his face and still make herself leave – and she knew she had to, that she had been deluding herself thinking that the two of them could ignore the rules of their suspension without consequences. She especially didn't want their friends tied up in it either – first Traci, and now Oliver, she had to make a realistic decision. It wasn't going to be forever. She gave herself a few minutes to pull herself together, stared herself down in the mirror – reached for her toothbrush and collected her shampoo and shower gel before opening the door and coming face to face with Sam – his dark intense eyes burned into her, and she averted her gaze again – there was definitely no way she could do this if he kept looking at her like that. She walked over to the edge of the bed, deposited her gatherings on the top and pulled the zip closed.

"Andy...don't. Please?" He took hold of her hand, and tugged her away from her bag, nudging her chin up gently with his other hand until she was forced to look at him. "I want you to stay. I can deal with Oliver – you don't have to leave." Andy squeezed her eyes closed, battling against the prickle of tears that was slowly starting to emerge, and bit down on her bottom lip with a tiny shake of her head. She took a couple of steps back, needing to escape the feel of him close to her.

"I can't...we can't." Her eyes flew open again when the sudden realisation that he would think she was walking away from them again hit – and she walked back to him again, tangling her fingers up in his shirt and pulling him to her – reaching up and crushing her lips against his. Sam's arms wrapped around her – one hand tangling in her hair and pulling her impossibly close, while the other hand found her lower back, and gradually edged southwards – seeking out the skin his fingers would find under the edge of her ridden up sweater. It took her a couple of seconds to catch her breath when she pulled her lips away from his, wrapping her arms around him and burying in face in his chest – before looking back up and meeting his eyes again.

"Andy..."

"You're worth the wait." She stretched up on her toes and kissed him briefly, but softly, and Sam tightened his grip on her not wanting to let her leave. "I'll call you." She brushed her lips against his cheek in a soft kiss of parting, before pulling herself free – picking up her bag and walking out his bedroom door and away from him. She didn't look back – couldn't chance it and she found Oliver seated on Sam's couch.

"Ready?"

"Yep."

Oliver eyed her and her bag warily, and Andy raised an expectant and impatient eyebrow at him. "Well are we going or not?"

He pulled himself up of the couch at her words, nodding his head. "Yeah, yeah...we're going," and followed her out into the cold.

A/N - as always - reviews are my drug of choice, please hit that button and let me know your thoughts. xxx


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"So – what's it going to be? Deciding vote...which way are you swaying?"

Andy shrugged her shoulders non-committedly in response, and curled her feet up under her. Dov raised an eyebrow in question, and Andy glanced around the room at the expectant gazes of her friends. "I really don't care – just pick one." She pulled herself out of her curled up position on Traci's couch, and plodded through to the kitchen to pour herself another glass of wine. She swirled the deep red coloured liquid around in the glass a couple of times, took a sip and then relented – pulling her phone out of her jogger pocket – the screen was blank, no calls or messages – and she twirled it around in her fingers a couple of times trying to resist the urge in her fingertips to utilise her speed dial – just two buttons, that's all she had to press...two buttons and she could hear his voice.

"Andy..." Traci's voice had a reprimanding the tone, the same one she used when she found Leo rooting through the freezer for ice-cream without asking. Andy attempted a wide eyed look of innocence as she turned to face her friend who had followed her into the kitchen, but gave up after a pointed look from Traci to the phone gripped in her hand, and she allowed an exasperated sigh to escape her lungs.

"What? So I'm not even allowed to miss him now?"

"It's been two days!"

"So...?"

"Are you going to be this much of a grouch for the whole time? I invited everybody over to take your mind off it – just come back in and watch a movie." Traci reached for Andy's wine, prying it from her hand and walking back through to her living room – expecting Andy to follow. Andy glanced down at the screen on her phone again and opted for a text message instead – her fingers worked quickly, so she could follow closely in Traci's footsteps -

_Miss you. xxx_

- before switching her ringer onto silent and slipping the offending object back into her pocket. She tried her absolute hardest to focus on her friends for the rest of the night – Traci, Chris, Dov and even Gail. She had barely seen any of them in the past two weeks, and she felt slightly guilty about allowing them to completely drop off her radar- the only problem being that once she had messaged Sam she found it increasingly difficult to force herself to think about anything else. It had been the first time she had made any contact with him since she left – she had forced herself not to for the first twenty four hours, even made Traci confiscate her phone like a teenager because she knew if he asked her to she would have walked straight back out the door and back to him again. She felt like her phone was burning a hole in her pocket – like it needed to be out, in view – so that she could see the second he replied, but she battled with herself until at least Chris, Dov and Gail had left and she was helping Traci clear up before she checked her phone, and felt a pang of anxiety in the pit of her stomach when the screen was still blank – no message, no reply. She shoved it back into her pocket when she heard Traci walk up behind her, and turned to take some of the loaded up dishes from her arms.

"Ok – out with it."

Andy busied herself with the dishes, re-arranging the dishwasher in an attempt to fit everything in. "Out with what?"

"Whatever it is that has kept you on a different planet all night."

"What?" Andy turned and peered at her friend, attempting a small smile. Traci narrowed her eyes at her, and abandoned the rest of the dishes she was holding on the counter before holding out her hand – palm open and facing upwards.

"Give me your phone."

"What? Trace..."

"Phone Andy."

Andy shrugged her shoulders and held up both hands, before sucking in a harsh breath and bracing herself for the lecture she knew she was about to get. "Ok...I might have sent him one message."

"Andy!"

"One...just one! I swear! I don't want him to think I don't care...that I'm not thinking about him. He hasn't replied anyway – so it doesn't really matter..." Andy attempted to play the statement off like it hadn't bothered her – that she was taking a zero response from him in her stride, but she knew she hadn't succeeded as soon as Traci's accusatory expression softened.

"He could be busy."

"I know...just because I'm sat around missing him it doesn't mean that he doesn't have anything better to do. It's just..."

"I'm sure he misses you as much as you miss him." Traci opened another bottle of wine and poured them both another glass, perching herself on the edge of her breakfast bar.

"Has Jerry said something...?"

Traci shook her head slightly, and nudged one of the glasses along the bar towards her friend.

"It's just...I left. He told me he wanted me to stay, and I still left..."

"You weren't being unreasonable Andy – it was the right thing to do."

Andy took a large gulp of wine, hoping the warm fuzzy alcohol feeling would eradicate the uneasiness she felt but it didn't work. She peered up a Traci, and waited until she had her friend's complete attention. "How much could one phone call hurt?"

"Andy...seriously?"

"What?!"

"You are not that person...ok? You were many things before him – and you still are, he is not your entire universe. It's only going to make you want to see him more..."

"I just want to make sure he's ok..." She knew she only felt the need to justify herself because she was aware of how ridiculous and whiny she sounded, but she couldn't help it. She was caught up in an endless cycle of feeling sorry for herself and angry at the situation – the fact that she had delayed the break for two weeks was apparently now making it much harder to deal with, now that she had a deeper understanding of exactly what she had been forced to give up.

"Seriously? Andy – he's fine. He's a grown man; he's perfectly capable of looking after himself. I think it would take a lot more than a couple of days of solitude to break Sam Swarek."

Traci took one look at the determined expression on her friends face, and the stubborn set of her jaw and realised she was fighting a losing battle. "Fine...do what you want, it's not like you're going to listen to me anyway. I'm going to bed; I'll see you in the morning." Traci finished off the last of her wine, deposited the glass in her dishwasher and wrapped her arms around Andy in a goodnight hug. "I know it's hard – ok? It wouldn't be a condition of your suspension if it wasn't...but you're both going to be ok." She didn't wait for a response, she had shared her opinion and what Andy did with it was up to her. She gave her friend one final squeeze, and then left her to her own devices – closing the kitchen door to let her know that she had some space to make a call if she needed to.

Andy downed the rest of her wine in one mouthful, using the warming feeling of it spreading through to nudge her into action. She pulled her phone out of her pocket; hit her speed dial and waited for him to answer, she felt the same feelings of unease unravel in her stomach once more when the ringing stopped and his voicemail kicked in. She was suddenly unaware of what to say, struggled to form a coherent sentence in her head – so left a rambling message about two minutes long – filled with questions of his wellbeing, statements of how much she missed him and requests for him to call her. She rolled her eyes at herself as soon as she hung up the phone, but it wasn't like she could take it back – she just hoped he would call her. Traci was right – it hadn't made her feel any better, she had just succeeded in making herself feel a lot worse.

* * *

><p>"Are you planning on sulking for your <em>entire<em> McNally free period, because if you keep this up then I'm going to crash at Jerry's." Oliver eyed his friend pointedly from the other 'safe' side of his garage. He had finally ventured out to face him after he heard a crash that sounded like the entire structure was collapsing...or at least that was the impression he got from his bed in the spare room, which was coincidently sharing a wall with what had appeared to have morphed into Sam's new tantrum arena. He knew he was probably trying to make it as difficult as possible for him to sleep, but it had been a long night shift – and this morning was turning into the straw that was about to break his back. He knew Sam was annoyed with him, the silent treatment coupled with the odd grunt of conversation had been enough to clue him in, but enough was enough – he was taking a stand for his sanity.

"Be my guest."

"You're an idiot – you know that right?"

Sam turned and kinked a disbelieving eyebrow at his friend, tossing the handfuls of junk in his hands into a corner. "I'm a little busy, so if the only reason you're here is to insult me or mess with my life then you can stay at Jerry's – I'm not going to argue with you."

"How long did you think the two of you would be able to keep it up for huh? I'm not saying..."

"I'm not talking about this with you." Sam stalked back to the front corner of his garage and began rummaging around in the shelving units, what he was looking for he couldn't even remember – he was just hoping that Oliver would give up and leave him alone.

"Sammy...you can't..."

"Not talking about it."

"Hellooooo!" Sam froze, and he whirled around on the spot – his expression disbelieving as his eyes narrowed and he peered down his driveway. "Wow – you're neighbours must be really fond of you – I could hear you from half way down the street – you do realise it's only 8am right?"

"Sarah? What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too."

"That's not what I meant...you know it's not, just...you should've called."

"So you could tell me not to come...I don't think so. You wouldn't come up, so I've come to see you. It's simple." Sarah reached up and wrapped her arms around her brother in a tight hug, and squeezed his face between her hands when she pulled away – she knew it would irritate him – but she couldn't help it, it was her version of affection and it had been a traditional greeting between the two of them since he had been about two. "How are you?"

"Fine – I'm fine." The squish hold she had on his face meant that the he could barely move his lips, and the words came out muffled – lighting her up in an instant ear to ear grin.

"He's a grouchy sulking ass."

Sarah's eyes widened as she peered through to the back of the garage and noticed for the first time that her brother wasn't alone. Oliver walked towards them, reaching out a hand to shake hers – which she eventually took when Sam peeled her hands away from his cheeks – a questioning eyebrow in place the whole time. "I'm Oliver...Oliver Shaw, I work with Sam."

"Sarah. A grouchy sulking ass?" She peered back and forth between the two of them with a small smile.

Oliver offered her a knowing smile, and Sam scuffed the floor with his boot before clearing his throat. "Coffee?...I'll make coffee."

* * *

><p>"Don't." Sam eyed his sister cautiously as he sunk down in the chair opposite her curled up position on the edge of his couch, and her eyes widened in mock innocence.<p>

"Don't what?"

"You have that look."

"What look?"

Oliver shuffled past them both with a plate of toast, and another steaming mug of coffee – making himself comfortable at the other end of Sam's couch and resting his sock covered feet on the coffee table. Sarah passed a soft smile his way in greeting, before turning her attention back to her brother. "I don't have a look."

"Yes you do – you know you do, so just don't. Whatever is brewing in that little head of yours you can keep it to yourself."

"I was just wondering if you had planned to see Andy today."

Oliver snorted from his corner of the couch, but held back on an eye roll after Sam levelled a death glare at him from the other side of the room. Sarah peered back and forth between the two of them with heightened curiosity – apparently she had struck some kind of nerve, but it soon became clear that she was going to have to nudge the conversation along when neither of them actually spoke. "I just thought I would quite like to meet this Rookie of yours - if you guys had plans..."

"She's not my rookie anymore – she was cut lose months ago."

Sarah narrowed her eyes at her brother, and abandoned her coffee on the table in front of her. "Ok fine – partner then, whatever lingo you're currently using..."

"Suspension's kind of put an end to that one...I don't think Frank will be letting that pass so easily."

Sarah's jaw dropped, as she turned and stared open mouthed at her brother's friend – almost willing him to repeat himself so that she could make sure she had heard him properly. She knew she had when she turned back to Sam and registered his clenched jaw and a glare being levelled at the man next to her that could probably make a man twice her brother's size wither. "Suspension? What suspension? Sam?"

Oliver's head snapped up from his inspection of his toast at her question, and with one look at the expression on Sam's face he knew it was time for him to make a hasty exit. "You know what...it's been a long night, and I'm back on the station at 6 so I should probably try and get some sleep...it was nice meeting you."

Sarah nodded in acknowledgement, but didn't move her eyes off of Sam – who watched Oliver shuffle back past him and out the room, and then looked everywhere else except for at her. "What suspension Sam?"

"It's nothing – Do you want to go and get some breakfast? We can go to Bonn's...they still do the best eggs in town – my shout."

"No – I want you to tell me what's going on. I thought you were just taking some time off – a break after you got back."

"I am." He met her eyes for the first time, and shrugged his shoulders. "It's just a little bit more enforced than a holiday."

"Why?"

Sam closed his eyes, allowed his head to slump forward into his hands before issuing a groan. "Why what?"

"You know why what! Why are you suspended?"

"I thought you hated me doing my job."

"I do...but..."

"Then why are you bothered? Can we please just go and get some breakfast? I'm starved, and Oliver has just cleared out the last of any kind of breakfast related material from my kitchen."

"What happened?"

"Some guy in a white shirt came to a half assed conclusion that I was unable to separate my personal life and my job – that me somehow...they seem to be under the impression that I did something that could have jeopardised the UC op I was working on." Sam allowed another weary sigh to escape, before pulling himself to his feet and collecting the empty coffee mugs abandoned on the table and plodding through to his kitchen. Sarah's gaze followed him until he was out of sight, and then she pulled herself up and went after him – finding him fiddling with a fresh pack of coffee and starting another pot.

"...and did you?"

She saw his shoulders tense at her question, but he didn't turn around to face her. "No."

"So they suspended you for nothing?" The statement was heavy with sarcasm, and she hadn't meant for it to sound that way – she was just having a hard time trying to process this new information.

"My personal life has nothing to do with me being able to do my job."

Her lips twisted into a small smile at his statement, and she latched onto it like a dog with a bone. "What personal life? Sam...You haven't even been on a date in at least two years..."

"...and you have?" He was on the defensive, said the words without thinking and his stomach churned in protest as soon as he heard them leave his mouth – bracing himself on the counter and allowing a defeated sigh to escape. "I'm sorry – I don't know why I said that."

"Because you're an ass...and we're not talking about me, we're talking about you."

"McNally." Sam spoke so quietly that Sarah almost missed it. He allowed his hands to slide back off the counter, and looked up to the ceiling – pinching the bridge of his nose in an effort to try and think of what he was trying to say – how he was supposed to put it into words. He was waging a war with himself – one half of him wanted to bury everything he was feeling, lock it away and refuse to deal. The other half wanted him to talk about it – talk to the one person who really knew him, but the words didn't come easily.

"Your rookie?"

Sam smiled in spite of himself, and poured another two mugs of coffee from the freshly brewed pot. He passed one to Sarah before pulling out a chair from his kitchen table and planting himself on it – studying the handle of the mug in front of him and offering a small nod in affirmation.

"I knew it! I knew you she had gotten under your skin when you called me after that first week – I could tell."

Sam sucked in a harsh breath, and followed it with a gulp of coffee before looking back up at his sister with a small smile. "That would catch you up with the rest of the world then, apparently." Something in his expression suddenly filled Sarah with the urge to wrap him up in a tight hug, she didn't get to see the unguarded vulnerable side to him very often – had watched it get slowly locked away under layers upon layers of bricked up walls brought on from his experiences of life through the passing years. She didn't reach out to him – knew from experience that it would brick the crack right back up again, so instead she placed her coffee on his kitchen table and pulled herself up a chair – shoving her hands in her pockets.

"What happened?"

"It was deep cover...I told you that. Only contact was going to be with the Detective running it and his team."

Sarah nodded her head, and offered a small smile encouraging him to continue.

"I wasn't going to do it – I wasn't going to go, but I got sick of...I finally decided that I was waiting on nothing, that it wasn't meant to be and I couldn't stand around and watch her...wait for her to decide to be with someone else so I went. I ran into her in a bar – about two weeks in, and we finally got it together. At least I thought we did...she seemed like she wanted me and I definitely wanted her." Sam downed the last of his coffee in two large gulps, closing his eyes and relishing the feel of it burning down his throat before opening them again and intently studying his empty coffee mug.

Sarah didn't say anything, just sat, watched and waited. She knew he wasn't done. when he didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, lost in his head, she prompted him – gave him a nudge in the right direction. "Is that why you were suspended – because you hooked up with her while you were undercover?"

A humourless half chuckle escaped his lips, before he met her gaze again – running his tongue over his teeth before flashing a dark half smile. "Conduct unbecoming...that's the official term. Conduct unbecoming of an Officer. The timing was off...our timing was way off, but it didn't stop me from doing my job – it had absolutely nothing to do with..." His sentence died off half way as he caught up with himself and stopped before saying what he was about to say.

"Nothing to do with what?" Sam averted his eyes at her question, returning to study his empty mug and Sarah knew in that second that there was something that he wasn't telling her.

"It had nothing to do with the way that things went down, how it finished up. It doesn't make any difference anyway – we were both suspended, no setting foot on station unless invited, no contact with anyone who worked on the case and no contact with each other."

"How did they find out?" Sarah reached over and pulled the mug out of Sam's death grip fingers, thinking it would shatter if he tightened his grip anymore, that, and she was hoping that it would mean he could stop avoiding eye contact with her. "Sam?"

"She told them."

"Why?"

"I thought...I don't know what I'm doing."

"What are you talking about? Sam...?" Her ploy so far hadn't worked, because he was still refusing to meet her gaze – intently studying the table instead, and for a minute she thought he hadn't heard her – until a battered sigh that escaped him pulled on her emotions.

"I have no clue. I keep trying to figure it out – but I have no idea. I feel like I keep trying to convince myself that there is something there that isn't – that I'm enough, that I can make her happy...but I'm not and I can't."

Sam's words unleashed a blinding realisation in his sister, and she cursed herself for not picking up on the signs before – he was in so much trouble, totally and utterly head of heels for this woman. Her realisation was followed very quickly, almost instantly, by an overwhelming urge to track her down and smack her up the side of the head – the pain evident from his last words, and the very idea that she should be able to make him question himself like that instantly sent her into protective sister mode – not that she ever would, but the sentiment was there anyway. She reached out to place a hand on his forearm and offered a reassuring squeeze.

"She would be lucky to have you."

Her words pulled a half laugh, half smile from him in response but it didn't quite sit true. "You have to say that...we come from the same gene pool."

Sarah levelled a pointed eyebrow in his direction at his words. "Sam..."

"She has me. She was here, and she had me – but she left. She worries about the suspension...about losing her job I guess."

"...and you don't?"

"Not enough to not want to be with her...she left and then she called, and I don't know what to do with that. If she wants to play this by the book – no contact, then that's fine – but I can't keep doing the back and forth, and having the floor move from under me...I can't keep trying to make it and then she walks away...It's too hard..." Sam reached across the table for his mug; picking up Sarah's, pulled himself to his feet and shuffled over to the sink – dropping them both in the pile of dishes. She knew that meant he was done, didn't want to talk about it anymore – so she opted for a change in subject to brighten the mood.

"I thought you said you were going to buy me breakfast."

* * *

><p>AN...Here you go! Thank you for the reviews and alerts - you guys are truly awesome! For those of you that are also reading 'Placebo'...I promise to have the next chapter of that up over this coming weekend...been having a hard time getting it to where I'm happy with it, but It's almost there.

I hope you have enjoyed this one...it's a little longer that what I normally post for a chapter, but my fingers ran away with me! Please let me know what you think. xxxx


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Hey...Oliver, wait up." Traci broke into a small jog to catch up with him as he made a beeline for the snack machine. She had been trying to check in with him all night, figured he would be the best person for the low down but it had turned into a ridiculously busy Saturday night, it was already eight hours into shift and this was the first time she had actually been able to pin him down.

"Do you have a quarter? I'm a quarter short..."

Traci rolled her eyes in response, but rooted around in her pocket – pulling out what loose change she had from her caffeine pit stop earlier on Queen. She passed him the required coinage, trying to think of the best way to initiate the conversation she promised she would have. Oliver turned away from her again, and scrutinized the vending machine of delights in front of him – trying to decide when there was very little choice was actually a lot harder for him that people might think. Traci decided to just jump straight in. "Soooo...how's things?"

"I'm still crashing at Sam's if that's what you're asking."

"How is he?"

"In a funk...and sulking...he's definitely sulking. He's stomping around like a bear with a sore head, and a face on him like someone's just mown down his dog." Oliver eventually opted for his choice, pushing in the required button, gathered up the goodies with a self-satisfied smile and turned to face Traci. "Why? How's the other half doing?"

Traci shrugged her shoulders, and offered a grimace in reply.

"That bad huh?" Oliver smirked and shook his head slightly in disbelief. "The course of true love never runs smooth Nash..."

"She's worried about him, and I told her I would talk to you...so..." Traci's words tailed off, unsure of how to finish the sentence. She knew Andy was worried about him, she had told her that much – but never really gave her any more details.

"Awww – that's sweet." Oliver moved to step passed Traci and head back out, but stopped when she opened her mouth, thinking that she wanted to say something else. No words actually emerged...he waited for a couple of minutes, to see if a sound would come, before flashing a reassuring smile at her. "Tell McNally he's fine...Sammy's a big boy, he's been looking after himself for long enough. She should be more worried about me – I'm the one that has to deal with him."

* * *

><p>"See...told you I could still kick butt."<p>

Sam's only response was to collapse face down into the cushions on his couch, and Sarah grinned at the muffled groan before he flipped himself over and toed his trainers off – peering up at her through narrowed eyes. "I let you win."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself." She sauntered past him to the kitchen, dodging the cushion he aimed at her head and helped herself to a large tumbler of water, before heading back and making a seat from Sam's coffee table - punching him lightly on the arm in greeting. His now closed eyes remained shut and he mumbled something incoherently at her in response. "I'm going to use your shower...you just take as much time to recover as you need..." Sarah's grin spread to a cheek splitting size as he pried open one of his eyes, and then proceeded to narrow it at her in accusation.

"Is that the best you got?"

"You love it." She pulled herself to her feet, and headed in the direction of his stairs. He watched her leave, before promising himself he would be up and about in ten minutes – he just needed one quick power nap, and he could be as bright eyed and bushy tailed as she wanted him to be.

He slept for a lot longer than he had intended, he knew he had as soon as he opened his eyes and registered the amazing smells emanating from his kitchen – his stomach issuing a large rumble of hunger in response. He sucked in a large breath and air and attempted to pull himself up from the couch, grimacing as his body protested at the movement – he was getting too old for passing out on his couch. He tried to stretch out his shoulders, one hand moving to attempt to work out the crick in his neck – before eventually making himself find his feet and shuffling into his kitchen. "You didn't have to do this, I said I would cook."

"You said a lot of things." She had her back to him, busying herself with pots currently filled with amazing aromas on the hob, so he couldn't see her face. The sharp delivery of her words however pulled his eyebrows upwards in silent question of their own accord.

"What?"

"You said you were fine...this morning when I asked how you were, you said you were fine."

"I am fine..."

Sarah dropped the lid of the saucepan she was holding onto the counter, and it clattered off the side and onto the floor as she strode across the kitchen – picking up one of his prescriptions from the table where she had left them earlier – and threw it at him. He caught it...just, eyeing the label in his hand before looking back at his sister with caution. "Sarah..."

"That is not fine Sam! What the hell do you need them for?"

He attempted to diffuse the tension in the room with a slight shrug of his shoulders and a small smile. "They're pain meds..."

"I know what they are – I'm a pharmacist remember. It's not like you're popping some ibuprofen. What the hell do you need them for?" She crossed her arms, and waited for a response from him.

"I'm on the mend, ok? It's fine." He stepped towards her, and attempted to reach around and pick up the other pack of pills from behind her but she moved to block his way. She may have only been tiny, but she could be just as stubborn and fierce as him, and she was not prepared to let it go.

"On the mend from what?"

"Sarah..."

"From what?!"

"Some bad bruising and I broke my hand ok? It's not a big deal."

Sarah narrowed her eyes again and scrutinized his face for a few seconds, but called him out when he refused to meet her gaze. "Bullshit...! These pills are a big deal Sam – what happened? Something happened when you were undercover didn't it? This morning...this morning when we were talking, you wouldn't..."

"Sarah – it doesn't matter."

"It matters to me!" Her words came out sounding more like a squeak, and he looked back at her – before dropping his head and studying the floor tiles.

"I'm telling you the truth – they're mainly for my hand. I broke some bones...but it's on the mend." He waved the hand in front of eyes as if to illustrate his point. "See...no brace. Its fine, I'm fine."

"How?"

He reached out both hands, and wrapped them around her shoulders – meeting her eyes, and flashing his dimples at her in a reassuring smile. "It's done – ok? It's done, and I'm over it – I'm fine. It doesn't matter."

"If you don't want me to worry then you need to give me a straight answer – because the images I have swirling around in my head right now...I know these people are dangerous Sam...I know you being undercover is dangerous – why do you think I hate it so much when you go..."

"Sarah, there isn't any gory details – ok. I'm still here..."

Sarah's eyes widened in a sudden realisation when she remembered a question she had asked him earlier that he never really answered. "Is that why she told people about the two of you?"

"What?" Sam's forehead creased in confusion as he looked back at her, and Sarah pulled herself out of his grasp and began pacing back and forth in the small kitchen.

"You're Rookie, Partner...McNally – whatever you call her. She was worried about you – knew you needed help, that you were hurt – is that why?"

"No...She thought I might have been – but it didn't have anything to do with her. Sarah...please let it go. I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine."

"Then tell me what happened...tell me what happened, and I'll let it go."

The two of them stood in the kitchen in silence for five minutes in a staring contest, before Sam finally relented – dropping his head, and stared at the floor instead – his shoulders slumping in a defeated sigh and cursing himself for not thinking of squirreling the pills away somewhere out of sight as soon as she had turned up on his doorstep. "I got made...ok? There was a flaw in my back story that the guy picked up on – it's done and dusted now, I'm ok."

He chanced a look back up at her, and the expression on her face suddenly made it difficult for him to breathe. He took a step towards her, reaching out to wrap her in a hug but she stepped away back out of his reach. "What did he do?"

"Sarah..."

"No...No, don't you dare _Sarah_ me – what did he do?"

"Sarah look at me – I'm fine."

"I want you to tell me." Sarah was momentarily distracted by the boiling over of one of the pans and she turned and pulled it off the heat, but she didn't turn back to him straight away, battling against the nauseous anxiety building up inside of her. "I want you to tell me what happened, and I want you to promise me that you're not doing this again – no more undercover Sam...that you're done. You're all the family I have – you're my baby brother...if anything happens to you..."

"Sarah...it's just my job"

She whipped round and stared at him when she heard those words, eyes flashing angrily. "No – don't you dare...don't you dare stand there and talk to me like I'm an irrational basket case! You're job is bad enough...but at least the uniform offers a little bit of protection, people are a little bit more reluctant to hurt a cop in uniform – but you have to carry a gun Sam...that's not exactly daycare! Undercover work is not your job...you don't get a partner, did you even get a gun?"

"Yes I had a gun...I may not have had a partner, but I had backup...I'm here because I had backup."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I have a whole division of cops watching my back Sarah – it's not exactly the Wild West out there." He shrugged his shoulders at her, and a sound somewhere between a humourless half laugh and an exasperated sigh came out of his mouth before he raised his hands at her in surrender. "I don't know what you want me to say...I might not even be a cop for much longer, I'm not guaranteed reinstatement – but if they let me go back I'm still going to do my job."

"So that's it? That's the grand extent to which you will go to consider how I feel? Are you even listening to me at all?!"

"Of course I'm listening to you..."

"Ok fine – you're _listening_ to me, but you're not _hearing_ me." The timer on the oven sounded, and Sarah pulled on an oven mitt and turned away from her brother again –opening the door, gripping hold of the pasta bake and pulling it out. She didn't realise she was shaking until she tried to deposit the burning hot dish on the cooling rack on the counter – her agitated movements knocking her arm into it as soon as she put it down, and sending the dish and its contents all over the kitchen floor – some of the still bubbling cheese sauce attaching itself to her arm and scalding her skin. "Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

Sam was next to her in two seconds flat pulling her oven mitt off her hand, and pushed her over to the sink – turning the cold water tap, wrapping his fingers tightly around her wrist and holding onto her. She winced when the ice cold water first hit her skin, but he held her arm firmly in place. "Sorry...I'm sorry."

"It's just food Sarah – don't worry about it. There's a whole drawer of takeout menus to your left." He flashed a small smile at her, kept hold of her wrist but shuffled around her to pull open the takeout drawer and pulled a dozen menus out and waved them under her nose to illustrate his point, before leaving them out of the counter. She plucked the Thai off the top of the pile, and started perusing her options. "If it makes you feel any better – I've already pulled my application from guns and gangs."

Sarah peered up at him and studied his face for a moment, trying to decide on the best response. She knew he could tell she was looking at him, but he was refusing to look back at her – chewing down on the inside of his cheek and pretending to intently study his takeout options. She couldn't think of what to say – for as long as she could remember she had known that was where he wanted to be, what he was working towards – but she couldn't pretend she wasn't pleased that he had done it. She stretched up and kissed his cheek – deciding it was the best option. "Pad Kee Mao...Prawn Pad Kee Mao – and crispy seaweed rolls on the side."

He glanced back at her then, flashing his dimples. "Always with the Prawns...?"

"Yep..."

He let go of her wrist, and pulled the menu out of her grasp. "You – keep that arm under there, and I'll call it in." He plodded back out of his kitchen in search of his phone, finding it hidden behind a cushion on the couch.

* * *

><p>"That...was amazing!"<p>

"I know – told you it was still the best breakfast in town." He flashed a smile at her, and huffed out a satisfied sigh before gulping down the last of his coffee and stretching out his shoulders.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay...I have some vacation days owing, I can stay a couple more nights..." She peered across the table at her brother with a raised questioning eyebrow, something had definitely caught his attention – and she turned and looked over her shoulder following his line of vision to see a slim brown haired girl intently studying the menu tucked up in booth in the far corner of the room. She turned back to face him, and tried to suppress a smile at his wide eyed expression. "Sam?"

He was pretty sure his heart stopped, actually stopped beating the second he saw her walk in – and he wasn't even completely sure he was still breathing. He knew Sarah was talking to him, but he couldn't make himself tear his eyes away from her – it had been a long three days without being able to set eyes on her, and he was reluctant to give up the sight of her again. Sarah eventually managed to get a reaction from him when she leant across the table and hit him across his head. "Ow...What the...?"

"Seriously? Seriously Sam?" She was grinning ridiculously at him and it made him uncomfortable, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable and very defensive. He attempted to school his expression into something more neutral and levelled a glare at her across the table.

"What!?"

"I take it that's her."

He narrowed his eyes at her in response, and arched an eyebrow – daring her to continue at her own peril, and she laughed – actually laughed out loud at him.

"Oh my god...you really are in trouble aren't you? I never thought I would see the day...ever..." She sobered very quickly when she saw expression on his face, and a small flash of hurt in his eyes – he recovered quickly, but it still made her feel like she had been slapped in the face. "Sam...I didn't mean..."

He issued a small smile in her direction, which only served to make her feel worse, and shook his head – pulling some notes from his pocket to cover their bill. "Are you done? We should probably head out..."

It was the laugh that caught her attention, pulled it away from the swimming sea of words in front of her. Her body reacted to the sight of him before her brain even really registered it – heart hammering against her ribcage, and butterflies in her stomach. It was his favourite breakfast place, she knew it was...that was why she was here, but she wasn't really expecting to see him – never mind see him here with someone else, making another woman laugh – and it was that realisation that stopped her hammering heart in its tracks – freezing it cold and still. She saw them stand to leave, and found herself moving onto her own feet in response, walking towards him with a determined purpose.

"Sam?"

His step faltered when he heard her, she saw it – and upped her speed to catch up with him. She grabbed his arm just before he reached the door, and pulled him back a couple of steps. "Hey..." she smiled up at him as he turned to face her, momentarily forgetting the woman stood beside him. "How are you?"

"Fine...I'm fine. You?"

She nodded her head back at him, chewing down on her bottom lip. She tightened her grip on his arm one he took one step backwards away from her, and suddenly felt like she was fighting the urge to cry – and blinked fiercely a couple of times in an attempt to clear the blurry edges of her vision. It was awkward, she felt awkward and she never wanted to feel awkward around him.

Sarah pulled Sam's gaze away from their locked eyes for a few seconds with her words of "Sammy, we really have to go..." and he nodded his head at her, glanced back at Andy with pained regret clearly written across his face.

"I...I've gotta go..." There were so many things that he wanted to say to her in that moment, but no other words came. She unwrapped her fingers from his arm with a sad smile, and a nod of her head and Sam unconsciously clenched both fists in an effort to stop his hands from reaching out and touching her – his fingers literally itching to pull her to him. Andy was unable to move from the spot as the Sam's small dark haired companion pulled him out the door.

Sarah pulled open the passenger door to his truck and clambered inside – stopping dead in her tracks when she saw the hollow clenched jaw expression on her brother's face, coupled with the white knuckle grip he had on the steering wheel. She unzipped her bag, and made a show of rooting around the contents before muttering a few curses at herself. "Sam...I've left my phone inside – I'll be back in two minutes."

She left without waiting for a response and jogged lightly back down the street and through the door of the diner – walking past their table, and made a beeline straight for the booth in the back far corner – taking a seat before Andy even registered she was there.

"Ok – here's the deal. I don't know you..." Andy peered over the top of her menu with widened eyes and opened her mouth to speak, but Sarah continued undeterred without missing a beat. "...but my brother is a fantastic guy – you're lucky to have him. Just for the record – the fact that most of the time he keeps himself under lock and key, is not really a heart on his sleeve kind of guy – none of that means that he doesn't care or that he doesn't get hurt – don't hurt him, and don't screw it up."

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><p>AN...Thank you again for the reviews...the awesome reviews...they really make my day. Please let me know what you think...


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Andy pushed her way out of the diner and onto the increasingly busying street outside, offering a small grimace of apology to the bundled up man she nearly ploughed straight into. She tried to shield herself from the bitingly cold wind by nestling up against the wall, while she pulled down her grey wool hat and pulled on her long gloves, pulling the collar of her coat up and shoving her hands into her pockets. She glanced up and down the street and tried to decide what to do with herself. She didn't want to go back to Traci's – there was nothing to do there except sit and think, and if there was one thing she was certain off it was that in the past three days she had done enough thinking, analysing and questioning herself to last a lifetime – seeing Sam this morning had unleashed a whole load of emotion swirling around in her that she had no idea what to do with, and she didn't have a clue where to start – she needed to do something to distract herself, something busy – before she started to drive herself insane.

It was on her eyes second sweep of the street that saw it - his truck, parked on the opposite side of the road. She narrowed her eyes at it, trying to determine if it was actually there – or if it was just a hallucination; whether she had actually reached the point where she needed to be admitted to mental health institution and was actually just willing random vehicle's into her delusions. She craned her neck around the people walking past her in attempt to try and see if there was anyone sat inside, if he was sat inside – but she couldn't see anything from her current vantage point, so she wove a path through the other pedestrians on the sidewalk and stood on the edge of the kerb two doors up – trying to see through the side window but to no avail. If the normal, calm, clear thinking Andy could make an appearance right now she would slap her up the side of the head and tell her to either suck it up, cross the street and check the truck like she really wanted to – or continue on with her day – unfortunately that version of herself which she had nearly re-discovered until her decision to go out for breakfast three hours ago, had once more well and truly disappeared. She could see the passenger side was empty – she just couldn't quite see far enough through to the drivers. She shook her head, hoping the physical movement would actually shake some sense into her – and forced herself to walk across the street, she couldn't not check.

Sam jumped half a mile out of skin when he was pulled back to his surroundings with a gentle knock against his driver's side window – turning to look in the direction of the noise. His eyes grew wide in realisation and a small smile of greeting danced across his lips as he took in the soft half smile and apprehensive eyes staring back at him through the glass. He reached forward and pushed in the button to scroll down the window, a small sense of déjà vu reminding him of the last time he had a conversation with her through a window of his truck.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"I thought you had to leave..."

"I did..." he cleared his throat, for some reason finding it difficult to find words – the sound was harsh compared to the softness of her voice, despite the noise in the world around them. "I did – Sarah had to head back out to St Catharines – I had to take her home to pick up her stuff and her car."

"What are you doing here?"

He looked away from her, studied the dashboard in front of him for a few long moments – and she saw the beginnings of a small, shy smile pull at the corner of his mouth, before his eyes lifted and met hers again. It took every inch of will power that she had not to pull open his door and launch herself at him – his expression loitering somewhere between a guarded bashful shyness, and open and inviting all at the same time. He shrugged his shoulders at her, his smile increasing in size – his grip on the steering wheel indicating to her that he was at that moment battling an all too similar urge. "I have no idea..."

Andy bit down on her bottom lip in an attempt to stop her already expanding smile from transforming into an all out toothy grin and re-adjusted the bag on her shoulder, dropping her eyes to the snow now covering the edge of her boots - not completely sure how to respond – what he wanted her to say.

"Are you going somewhere? Do you need a ride?"

She shook her head without looking back up at him, chewing harder on her bottom lip in a physical attempt to stop herself from speaking the agreement dying to break free from the tip of her tongue. She knew if she looked at him every ounce of resolve she was trying to cling to would disappear in an instant. She hated herself in that second, actually hated – knowing in her head that she couldn't let herself cave, but that every other part of her was screaming at her to just let it go – damn the consequences. "Sam..."

"I know..."

She forced herself to look up at him, and he attempted a smile back – it didn't fully register, but he still tried.

"I called you..."

He looked away from her again, staring straight ahead out the windscreen in front of him. "I know."

"I meant what I said...I miss you."

"Andy, I can't..." words failed him as he turned back to look her. He wanted to tell her that he had listened to her message over more times then he would willingly admit, wanted to make her understand why he hadn't called her back – tell her that being with her and then having to give her up was one of the hardest things he has ever had to do and he couldn't keep doing it over and over again, and still survive in one piece. He closed his mouth, and opened it again – willing the words to emerge, but nothing came. He was in the middle of mentally berating himself for apparently having completely lost his grasp on uttering sounds from his mouth when a small idea crept into the corner of his head...one that refused to budge, and expanded until he couldn't stop himself from saying the words out loud. "What are you doing this weekend?"

Andy raised a questioning eyebrow in response, not trusting herself to speak.

That same adorable shy smile made another appearance as he looked at her, and he knew...honestly he knew it wasn't fair of him to ask her but he couldn't stop the words from leaving his mouth "Want to come away with me?" The idea of being with her away from the city, everything that had happened, their friends – the more he thought about it, the more he wanted it to happen.

"What?"

"I'm going to stay with Sarah for a bit – she needs some stuff fixing up around her house, and I kind of promised I would help her out...you could come with me?"

"Sam...I..."

"No one has to know anything, just tell them you're going on a mini – holiday. I can pick you up from the coach station or something, and you don't even have to stay for the whole time...just..." He was well aware that he was on the verge of begging – was pretty sure he might even resort to it if it meant she would agree to it. He could tell instantly, with the glossy sheen of tears slowly emerging in her eyes that she wasn't going to say yes. He felt the sting of her rejection in his chest before he saw the almost miniscule shake of her head – but he did see it, forced his eyes to stay trained on her until he did.

"I can't..." She knew as soon as she spoke that she lost him a little bit, saw the hurt register in his eyes before it was chased away – guard back up and he straightened in his seat issuing a small smile in her direction, before averting his eyes again – this time choosing to scrutinise the steering wheel.

"Ok."

"No, Sam..." She took a few small steps closer to the truck in an unconscious effort to be closer him. "I want to...I really want to – God, you have no idea how much I want to say yes...but we can't."

"I know."

"Sam I..."

"Andy, I get it – its ok."

She reached out, and wrapped her fingers around the door handle – pulling it open, and pulling Sam's eyes back to her. "Get out."

"What...?"

She locked her eyes on his, and held his gaze. "I'm serious – get out the truck."

He didn't move straight away, stayed completely still for a couple of minutes – returning her stare before finally unbuckling his seat belt and stepping out into the cold. Andy launched herself at him before he even had a chance to fully shut the door, her arms around his neck and clinging to him – her mouth moulding hungrily onto his. One of her palms moving to his press against his cheek and the fingers of her other hand using their grip on the back of his neck to pull him closer. She took him slightly by surprise, pressing as much of her body up against him as she could and he stumbled backwards slightly until his back met with the cold metal of his truck door, closing it on impact.

He matched her kisses with an intensity all of his own, gripping hold of her hips trying to pull her even closer – even though the only way that would have been possible would have been to remove clothing - Andy had already eradicated every modicum of space between them that she could. She dug her fingers into him even tighter when she felt his shoulders tense and he tried to pull back from her – her grip on him a physical plea – trying to tell him how much she wanted him. She actually whimpered a little bit when he successfully pulled away from her a few moments later, breathing ragged and dark eyes locking on her.

"Feel better?"

A small breathless laugh escaped her lips, and she dropped her head to study her boots again – tangling her gloved hands up in his jacket. "I think I may have just made it worse..." She peered back up at him with a small smile that fell as soon as she met his eyes. Something about the way he was looking at her made her uneasy, he was still breathing heavily – trying to force some oxygen back to his brain, but she couldn't read the expression on his face. "Sam..."

He shook his head at her slightly, and his hands came up to wrap around her forearms pulling her grip away from him – and pushing her back a step. "You have no idea..."

"Sam..." She fought against him slightly – trying to reach back out and hold onto him, but he increased his grip on her arms and held her away from him at arms length.

He looked away from her, his voice low. "Don't – ok? Please just don't...I can't keep doing this."

"Sam – I..." She shook her head at him, and caught her breath slightly when he looked back at her on the sound of her voice, a painful anguish plainly displayed in his eyes for her to see.

"I can't do this...I can't let you pull me in and then in ten minutes time watch you walk away. I get it...I do..."

"You think this is easy for me? I'm trying...I'm trying to do the right thing...What do you want from me?"

He looked at her with an expression that told her the answer should have been obvious. "You. I want you"

"I want you too..."

The sad half smile that graced his face at her words hit her in the middle of her chest, her heart stuttering in response to the barely concealed hurt in his eyes. "Just not enough..."

"That's not fair! I'm not in the same position as you. Maybe I'm handling this the wrong way – I don't know. I don't want to lose my job – but that doesn't mean that I don't miss you, that I don't think about you. I'm not trying to hurt you...that's the last thing I want to do...I don't know how to do this...I don't know how not to contact you, be with you – but I'm trying. I'm just trying to do the right thing. It's ten more weeks – it's not the end of the world."

Sam relinquished his grip on her arms, shoved his hands in his pockets and tore his eyes away from her – needing a couple of seconds without her eyes burning into him to pull himself together before he looked back at her. "Ok."

"Ok what?"

"Ten weeks...I'll see you in ten weeks." He reached behind him and pulled on the handle to his truck door, turning around and stepping to the side to pull it open. An instant panic forced Andy's feet forward, and her hands connected with the door and pushed it closed again before it had even opened an inch. She knew that was what she had said, but that didn't mean that she had meant it – the whole idea of him thinking that she didn't want to see him until then actually made her feel ill.

"Sam..."

He raised a questioning eyebrow at her, and she took two more steps forward – forcing herself in between him and the door and opening her mouth to speak.

"Andy I get it..."

She shook her head vehemently at him, her eyes wide and teary. "No...No you don't. You think I want my job more than I want you – that's not it, you have to know that. I want you...I want us – I do. I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you..."

Sam's expression morphed from neutral to exasperated as he took two very large steps back from her, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders – he was momentarily at a loss for words, before he narrowed his eyes at her in accusation. "What do you want from me? Seriously? I'm trying to do what you want...and every time I think I've figured it out you change the flip the game plan on me. You know I want to be with you – I've told you enough times...I'm trying to do what you want me to do and walk away – and then you say stuff like that to me...what am I supposed to do with that?"

"It's the truth! It's the truth, and I never said I wanted you to walk away."

"So what do you want me to do?" His voice was eerily calm, and she knew he was trying to shut himself off from her – trying to pull himself back.

"I don't know." Her voice was small, and he dipped his head in a small nod of acknowledgement – allowing himself a few seconds of studying the floor – unable to look back at her when her shiny brown tear filled eyes were pleading with him to understand.

"Well when you figure it out – let me know." His voice sounded foreign to his own ears, and he forced himself to walk around her and climb into his truck – despite his legs feeling like lead, and he was pretty sure that he left half of himself there with her – not wanting to leave. He still felt like half a person when he pulled up in his driveway and allowed his head to collapse on the steering wheel and re-hash their conversation in his head for the umpteenth time. He knew it was a bad idea to drive back there after Sarah had left, but his self-preservation gene hadn't kicked in harshly enough – their small encounter in the diner and the way she had looked at him had been enough to draw him back there without reservation or argument – no matter how much he was regretting it now.

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><p>"Andy! Andy...mom said we can go to the park after dinner – will you help me practice shoot?" Leo tore into the kitchen throwing his school bag into the corner and clambered onto a stool at the breakfast bar – his big wide eyes staring at her, and she recovered just in time flashing a small shaky smile at him in response while trying to discreetly swipe away the dampness from her eyes and keep chopping the vegetables in front of her.<p>

"Yep, sure...sounds like a plan."

She may have been able to pull herself together enough for Leo not to notice, but Traci was another challenge all together. She picked up on the sombre mood of her best friend as soon as she followed her son through to the kitchen, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. "Not before homework little man...if you get it finished before dinner then we can go." She placed a kiss on the top of his head and ruffled his hair before pulling him back down of the stool. "Go on – scram!"

Traci waited until Leo had left the room before eyeing her friend with concern, "You ok?"

"Yep." Andy reached around her friend for the Olive Oil on the counter and drizzling it over the vegetables in the roasting tray, before turning away from her briefly to put the tray in the oven.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Andy – you've been crying, and your terrible liar...tell me what's wrong."

Andy busied herself with washing the few dishes piled up next to the sink, concentrating on the task at hand so she didn't have to see Traci's expression. "I saw Sam."

"Andy..."

"It wasn't intentional...I went out to have breakfast, I just wanted to be out for a bit and he was at the same diner as I went to – I didn't know he was going to be there..."

"What happened?"

"Nothing...nothing happened. He was there with his sister, and then they left."

"Sam has a sister?"

"Yeah...Sarah, she lives in St Catharines...we said hi, and that was it...he left."

"Ok...I feel like there is a _'but'_ with this story..."

Andy gently placed the last of the dishes on the drier, and reluctantly turned to face her friend with fresh tears threatening to fall. "He came back. He didn't say he came back to see me, but he did...I think I messed up. I don't know how it happened...I can't...I didn't mean for...I miss him. It's all screwed up...and I don't know how to fix it."

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><p>Traci pulled open her front door, not even bothering to hide the shock and disbelief on her face from the person standing on the other side.<p>

"I know..." he held his hands up in a physical gesture of his need for her to listen to him, "...just five minutes. I just need five minutes and then I'm gone - I need to talk to her...please?"

"Sam – I don't think..."

"Do you want me to beg...?"

Traci eyed him cautiously for a few long seconds before offering a small nod of her head in agreement. "I'll tell her you're here." She left the door slightly ajar so that he could come in after her but he stayed rooted to the spot. He felt awkward enough being here there as it was, and he knew going inside was just going to make him even more anxious – the cold was actually helping his brain function more anyway – clearing away some of the evenings previously alcohol induced haze, the walk over here helping to make him almost completely sober.

He was reminded of how late it was when she came to the door and offered him a small tentative smile in her plaid PJ pants and hooded sweater, her eyes sleepy and her arms wrapped around herself in an attempt to ward of the cold. He instantly felt the urge to hold her, wrap himself around her to keep her warm and tangle his hands in her messy bed head of hair. "Are you coming in?"

He shook his head at her, and shoved his hands in his pockets to stop them from reaching for her of their own accord. "No..."

A heavy silence descended on the two of them as they openly stared at each other, eyes raking over every single detail and devouring them.

"Sam, I..."

"No...Don't. Let me say this – I need to say it, and if you start talking to me now I don't think I will, so just listen to me for a minute...It all came out wrong...this morning...I didn't mean for..." He took a deep harsh steadying breath and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, willing some form of coherent sentence rather than stuttered murmurings out of his mouth before meeting her eyes and trying again. "I don't want you to think that you have to choose – that I won't wait for you. I know that's what it sounded like, and that wasn't what I meant – I didn't mean anything like that. If that's the way you want to play this thing than that's fine...I can do that. I'm not saying I'll like it, but you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"I don't want rid of you."

He smiled at her words, a true closed lipped dimple flashing smile, before nodding his head in acceptance and allowing a relieved sigh to escape. "Ok. I guess I'll see you around sometime then."

"Guess you will."

He allowed his eyes to sweep over her one more time before turning on his heel and walking back down the steps from Traci's front door, and down the street – shoving his hands further into his pockets and hunching his shoulders against the cold. Andy watched him walk away, unable to close the door until he was completely out of sight – a small smile slowly taking claim over her features.

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><p>AN...There we go folks...you asked for a chapter with more McSwarek-ness, and that is what I tried to do. Hope you liked, and please let me know...you know how much of a happy bunny those awesome reviews make me! xxx


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Sarah set two mugs of coffee down on her porch steps, before taking a seat next to her brother and nudging her shoulder against his in greeting.

"Did you actually get any paint on that ceiling? Because from where I'm sat it looks like you dumped an entire pot just over yourself."

Sam turned and peered down at with a small smile, reaching up and tugging gently on a paint streaked clump of her hair. "Look who's talking..."

She smiled widely back at him and nodded her head in acceptance of his retaliation, before pulling her chunky knit sweater tighter around her small frame and letting her head drop back – her face tilted upwards to soak up the last of the afternoon sun. "I wish you lived closer..."

"Sarah..."

"I know...I know. You're life is in Toronto, you're a city boy...yada, yada. It's just been nice having you around."

"Yeah, well you might change your tune by the time I leave; it's only been a week."

Sarah agitatedly fiddled with a fraying edge on her sweater sleeve, and dropped her eyes to study her paint splattered boot. "You're around for dinner tomorrow night right?"

Sam studied her curiously for a couple of seconds before responding, a smirk attaching itself to his face. "Where else am I gonna be?"

"It's just...I...there's...I..."

"Sarah, spit it out."

"There's someone I want you to meet." The words came out in a tumble, merging together and she visibly relaxed for a second – apparently pleased with herself for getting the words out of her mouth, before her eyes widened and darted back up to his face. "Best behaviour Sam – you have to be nice."

His eyes widened in mock indignation as he looked back at her, "I'm a nice guy!"

She raised a pointed eyebrow at his statement, and he grinned widely at her. "I mean it – you have to be nice, I like him and I want the two of you to get along."

"Oh – the someone is a _'him'_?!" He winked at her, before wiping a smile of his face and adopting a suddenly serious demeanour. "Does this _him_ have a name?"

"Tim."

"A _Surname_?"

"No...No Sam, no background checks."

"Why? Does he have a record?"

"Sam!"

He held a hand up to block the swipe she took at his shoulder, and flashed a dimpled smile at her. "Relax – I'm teasing..." She narrowed her eyes at him in a pointed look that told him she wasn't amused, and he couldn't resist one more nudge. "...partly..."

"Sam!"

He held both hands up indication of surrender, and she rolled her eyes in exasperation at him. "Ok! Ok – I can be nice. I Promise." He confirmed his promise with a re-assuring smile, that pulled his sisters own dimples out to greet him.

"You're a jackass."

"You wouldn't have me any other way."

"True." She reached out to ruffle his hair, earning herself a scowl and pulled herself onto her feet – taking her coffee with her. She peered down at him for a second before reaching into her back pocket and pulling out a slightly crumpled envelope and waving it in front of his face. "This came for you today..."

He peered up at the envelope she was waving in front of his nose, using one of his hands as a visor to try and block out the blinding sun and squinted at the address on the front – eventually relenting and reaching up with his other hand to snatch it from her grasp so that he could hold it still enough to actually focus on the ink lines detailed on it. She watched his eyes widen as he studied the cream paper gripped in his fingers and she bit down on a smile, she had her suspicions about who it was from – his expression had confirmed it. "It looks like a woman's handwriting..."

"Yep."

"Ok – well I'm going to go and make a start on dinner, do you want a beer or something?"

He shook his head, still scrutinizing the envelope he was gripping in his paint speckled fingers.

"It's a letter – I think the idea is you open it, and then you read it." She squeezed his shoulder, sensing he needed some encouragement before dropping a quick kiss on the top of his head – she knew he wouldn't open it while she was still there, so she left him to it – taking up refuge from the quickly dropping temperatures outside and disappearing through her kitchen door.

Sam twirled the envelope around in his fingers a couple of times, ran is fingertips over the indent from the inked address on the top. He wasn't completely sure he wanted to open it, the uncertainty of the words he would find on the inside unleashing a torrent of anxious waves inside of him. The back and forth, and push and pull of the past three weeks hadn't passed without leaving their toll on him and he was even more unsure of where he stood in relation to Andy now than he was before the events leading up to his agreement to go under. He sucked in a harsh breath, in through his nose and out with his mouth before flipping the envelope over and peeling the back open – attempting to prepare himself for anything.

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><p><em>Sam,<em>

_Please don't judge this too harshly – I have tried to write this letter twenty times already, and each one has landed screwed up in the waste paper basket next to Traci's computer. I know it's unfair of me to keep doing this, reaching out and pushing away – so I promise this is the last time you will hear from me until after the tribunals. I just wanted to try and explain how I feel – I think I owe you at least that much – if not more, and this letter was the best way I could think of to do it. It turns out that fitting everything you mean to me into words and down on paper is a lot harder than I thought it would be, but I want to try anyway._

_I'm sorry. I know I've handled things badly – that I've hurt you, and please believe me when I say that was never my intention. If I'm being completely honest – and I want to be – I was only partly leaving because of the suspension. You have been a large part of my life since I "tackled " you, and I know our relationship has never been easy – but I also know that you have nearly always been there for me when I needed you, even if I didn't realise it at the time. The truth is I have known how I feel about you for a long time, long before you left and before the Alpine – but I was never ready to admit it to myself until now. I've always found a barrier to put in the way, or a reason to leave (the conditions of the suspension being one more addition to that list). I keep running because I'm scared...terrified actually. I'm scared of how you make me feel, of being vulnerable and letting you in, because I know this is real. I know that you have the ability to completely wreck me in every single way possible and I would be powerless to stop it._

_The thing is, the one thing this horrible mess has made me realise, is that I don't want to run anymore. I want to be brave. I want to brave with you, and I want to give you all of me because I know you deserve nothing less...please don't let me run from you again._

_Know that I miss you, and you're in my thoughts every single day. I'm waiting for you too._

_Andy._

_xxxxxx_

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><p>AN - short I know...but I wanted to put this out there...as always, please hit that gorgeous review button - there's more coming your way.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"It's looking great – I can't believe it was just two weeks ago when you had boxes piled high to the ceiling."

Traci gratefully took a plate of pizza slices from her friend, tucked her feet up onto the couch and glanced around the open plan living area before turning to face her perched on the arm of the opposite end. Andy grinned widely back at her, before helping herself to a large slice of pizza and shrugging her shoulders in response. "It's not like I've had anything else to do."

"So how does it feel – to be an official member of the homeowners club?"

"Technically 90% still belongs to the bank, so I'm not exactly an owner..."

"Andy – it's a big deal, you should be proud of yourself!"

"I know...I just...I don't think it feels real yet. Ask me after I've made my first mortgage payment." Andy dropped her eyes and intently studied her pizza, picking off the pepperoni slices and popping them into her mouth one by one. "So...how was work?"

She looked back up at Traci when she didn't hear a response, and was greeted with a disbelieving expression and expanding smile. "That has got to be...how long have you been working up to that? I'm actually a little impressed. I've been here for a whole hour – I was starting to wonder what had happened to you, was starting to think you were an imposter."

Andy attempted a look of confusion, knotting her brow. "I don't know..."

"Do you mean how was my day? Or are you asking about Sam and the tribunal?" Traci quirked a knowing eyebrow across the couch at her, and Andy huffed out an exasperated sigh before studying her pizza slice again.

"I'm just asking how your day was..." She shifted uncomfortably under Traci's gaze, taking a large bite of pizza for no other reason other than to distract herself.

Traci grinned widely at her and decided to let her off the hook. "As far as I know it went fine...I don't know all the details, but he's back. He was as back in his uniform and filing reports when I got back to the station this afternoon – he's been reinstated."

"...and he's ok?" Andy's questioning eyes darted back to her friend, and was met with a shrug of her shoulders.

"I didn't exactly get the chance to debrief him Andy... Have you heard from him?"

Andy shook her head slightly, and she gulped a large mouthful of water from her glass before abandoning it back on her coffee table. "I haven't spoken to him since the night he showed up on your porch."

"It's going to be ok you know. Just get your tribunal out the way tomorrow, you'll come back to work and the two of you can figure everything else out."

* * *

><p>Andy strolled back through the bull pen unable to wipe the ear to ear grin off her face, and made a beeline for her friends on the far side – who were all waiting on her with questioning looks. Traci stood up from her seat and walked the final few steps to meet her. "So?"<p>

"I'm back!"

Her statement was met with whoops and hollers from all of them, Chris actually picked her up off the floor in a gigantic bear hug and twirling her round before depositing her back down. "We'll see you at the Penny right?"

She nodded her agreement, her eyes sweeping the room for the one person she had been looking for since she arrived that afternoon – attempting to hide the disappointed frown from her friends when she still couldn't see him anywhere, flashing a small smile at them as she accepted another round of welcome back hugs from them all. Traci held back for a few minutes after they left, hooking her arm through Andy's and walking back to the women's locker room with her – pausing just outside the door. "He's not back yet – he was out with Shaw, and neither of them are back yet."

"I wasn't..."

"Whatever you say...just don't hang around here too long, there's a line of shots at the bar with your name on." She pulled her friend into a tight hug, before nudging her through the locker room door and heading out the door.

It didn't take her long to change, in-fact it was pretty much a record – there was no way she was going to miss him. She applied one more coat of mascara, gave herself one final check over in the mirror and grabbed her bag off and heading out. If he wasn't back by now then she would plant herself on the bench by his locker and just wait for him, she didn't care how long for. She walked out of the locker room with determination and ran head first into Oliver, stopping her momentarily in her tracks. His eyes widened and he grinned widely at her – his hands gripping onto her shoulders, and she peered around him searching for Sam – unable to keep her antsy anticipation at seeing him under wraps anymore. She had to forcibly stop herself from glaring at the man in front of her. She liked Oliver, she really did – but he was holding her back from the only person she really wanted to see, and it was starting to feel like some sort of conspiracy.

"McNally! How did it go? What'd they say? You back?" His words pulled her attention back to him momentarily and she offered him a small smile and a nod of her head, before craning her neck to see over his shoulder again. He nodded his head at her; fully aware that she wasn't really paying attention to him and allowed the knowing smirk he had been taunting Sam with all day to make another appearance. "He's been like a cat on a hot tin roof all day."

Andy's attention fully returned to the man stood in front of her with his statement, a wide-eyed questioning expression fully in place.

"Locker...go and put him out of his misery. Are we going to see you at the penny?"

Andy offered a small tentative smile in response, and he relinquished his grip on her shoulders with a shake of his head and small laugh. "I didn't think so...go on...beat it." He gave her a gentle push in the general direction of the men's locker room, his smile increased to double the size and he allowed a small chuckle to escape as he noted her hesitate at the door – he could almost see her mentally psych herself up. He loitered until he saw her actually push open the door, and walk through – just in case she needed a gentle nudge and then took himself off in the direction of the exit – It had been a very long day, and Jerry had promised him a beer with his name on it.

* * *

><p>Andy's feet froze to the spot about five steps into the room when her eyes found him. He had his back to her, rummaging around in his locker for something – and she suddenly found in difficult to breathe. The increase in her heart rate and the acrobatics taking place deep inside of her made it difficult for her to force any sounds out of her mouth – it wasn't that she had forgotten the effect his presence normally had on her – more that she had become unaccustomed to dealing with it, and needed a few moments of standing there openly admiring him before she could focus her brain on a greeting. When she eventually did speak her voice was raspy, as if it had been the first time she hadn't spoken in a week.<p>

"Hey..."

He had known she had walked in, knew it was her as soon as he heard the door hinges creak and heard her footsteps – but he couldn't make himself turn around and acknowledge her – He had struck a deal with himself that he couldn't survive another round of back and forth's with her, so if she wanted him she was going to have to come and get him – he was not, would not run after her again. He had made this particular deal however while he was in St Catharine's and hadn't been able to see her even if he wanted to – hadn't seen her for six weeks. Now she was here, and he was already feeling his resolve falter, dwindling to a steadily diminishing blip on his horizon. The sound of her voice settled in the aching hole that had become a permanent fixture in his chest and he couldn't make himself ignore her anymore, shutting his locker lightly and turning to face her – a small smile already fighting itself into his expression.

"Hey..."

She took a couple of steps forward, her eyes locking on his and her lips pulling into a small lopsided smile. She quirked a questioning eyebrow in his direction after his eyes swept over her from top to toe – loitering for a very long few moments on the skin of her left shoulder exposed by the large off one shoulder neckline of the t-shirt she was wearing, and then her mouth before finally meeting her eyes again. "Miss me?" Her tone was light – teasing, but she regretted it almost as soon as the words left her mouth.

He sucked in a harsh breath, and swallowed audibly – tearing his eyes away from her and studying a spot on the wall just behind her shoulder before replying with a guarded "I'm glad you're back."

"I missed you." Andy took several large steps forward until she was stood directly in front of him, and waited for his eyes to focus back on her again – barely resisting the urge to reach out and force him to look at her. He refused to meet her gaze until she spoke again, a plea escaping from her in the form of his name, "Sam...? I mean it. I did – every single day."

A small smile found its way back into place, but his eyes were guarded and Andy felt her heart twinge a little bit – reminding her of the mess she had made and knowing she was the one responsible for making him doubt her. "I have something for you." She dropped her bag onto the bench that was now beside her, and unzipped the main section – pulling out a mass of envelopes fastened together in a bunch with a couple of industrial sized elastic bands and held them out to him in a form of offering. The look of surprise on his face would have almost made her laugh if it wasn't for the distraction of her heart hammering through her ribcage, but she did smile at the raised questioning eyebrow. "There are 62 letters – one for every day after the one I sent. I told you I thought about you every day – I wasn't lying. I wasn't going to give them to you, the thought of you reading some of them actually terrifies me a little bit – but it's good to do something every once in a while that scares you right?"

"Andy..."

She saw the hesitation flicker in his eyes and didn't let him finish. "I know I screwed up...made everything messy, but I want you to read them. I'm not expecting anything but you deserve to read them – to know what's in them." Her smile disappeared; her expression sincere and she hoisted her bag up on to her shoulder and dropped the letters onto the bench when he still hadn't taken them from her. "I'll be at the Penny."

* * *

><p>Andy allowed her head to drop forward and bash against the locker door in front of her, hoping the harsh pain from her forehead connecting with metal would force the throbbing pain and burning sensation behind her eyes scuttling off to hide somewhere where she could no longer feel it. She sensed Traci appear next to her, but didn't move from her stance leaning head first on her locker – merely issuing a pained groan at her in greeting.<p>

"I see you and your friend Tequila must have become even more reacquainted after I left..."

"Tequila is definitely not my friend...Tequila is a bitch."

"Sam didn't show?"

Andy peeled her forehead away from her locker, and pulled it open with slightly more force than necessary – grimacing when it met harshly with the metal of the neighbouring locker door. Her eyes widened in surprise as an envelope fluttered down to her feet, and her delayed hangover reaction meant that Traci had scooped it up from the floor before she even managed to form the thought in her head that she needed to pick it up – she did however manage to rip it from her hands before she peeled it open, eyeing the envelope with caution.

"Who is it from?"

"Sam."

Traci's instructions to open it and tell her exactly what it said never made it past the tip of her tongue when she saw the expression on her friends face. "Ok – you've got ten minutes before parade...I will guard the door..."

One minute later Andy was curled up on the bench, gripping the small sheet of paper tightly in trembling hands and trying desperately to get her eyes to focus through her blurred teary vision.

_Dear Andy,_

_You are not the only one who is scared. Please don't think that you are alone in that...You have already wrecked me – completely. _

_I Love you. _

_Sam._

* * *

><p><em><em>She found him by the coffee machine, laughing about something with Jerry - her feet carrying her towards him before she even registered what she was doing. She saw the raised enquiring eyebrow Jerry sent in her direction - but she didn't care. She had made a beeline for parade that morning looking for him, only to find that he had been assigned to another division to help out on a major drug op - she had tried calling him numerous times throughout the day, despite the comments it raised from Dov...and now she was practically verging on the edge of desperate - she wasn't sure if he was avoiding her, but he was doing a damn good job if he was. She slid her arm through his, gripping onto him and yanking him away from his conversation - pulling him down the hall and into the first interview room she came across before slamming and locking the door behind them.

She took a couple of minutes to force her brain to think of what she wanted to say to him, before turning and being met with a wide smirk and his raised questioning eyebrows..."McNally..."

"Did you mean it?" She crossed her arms defensively, and arched an eyebrow back in return as Sam attempted to force a blank expression back onto his face.

"Mean what?"

"You know what!"

He studied her for a second, trying to get a reading on what was causing this reaction - before closing the distance between them in four strides, brushing the tendrils of hair that had broken free from her hair tie back off her face, before cupping her face in her hands and forcing her eyes to look at his - making sure she was listening. "I love you."

"I love you too. I do...I know I..." Sam's mouth descended on hers - stopping the flow of words before they started, and leaving them both breathless when they eventually pulled away from each other a few moments later - eyes meeting and not daring to break away from each other. "Did you read them?"

"Only you would number the corners of those envelopes to make sure I read them in order..." a soft teasing smile pulled at the corner of his mouth, and a small indignant sigh escaped before she could stop it.

"How else was I supposed to order them..."

His shook his head back at her in disbelief, pulled her lips back to his for one more kiss - resting his forehead on hers as he pulled away. "Let me take you home..."

Andy allowed a true bright smile to fully take over her face, reaching up to take his hand and interlacing her fingers and issuing a nod of agreement. "Will you stay?"

"Ok."

* * *

><p>AN...Thank you to those of you who have read and reviewed...I have really appreciated the feedback - you are well and truly awesome! xxx


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